Saturday, September 24, 2011

Another Friday nite, Early Saturday

Well school started up again on Wednesday and really stressed out and dreading the homework. Facebook is making more changes which is really pissing me off and adding extra anxiety cause I know i don't do well with change at all. DADT for those of you who don't know Don't Ask Don't Tell which is a rule in the military that restricts the LGBT community to stay closeted while in the service and if they find out you can lose your job. It died on September 20th, 20ll and its been all over the facebook news and everywhere it can be. This nation is going in the right track but I also find that with the economy in the shape that it is in we are still hurting and its only going to get worse. As far as the journey to quit smoking is going today I had a major slip I smoked more than 3 cigs smoked close to my usual 6. I still need to see my doctor to fully quit but at least I can control at times how many cigs I smoke the max that I smoke a day is 3. I met a guy on a site and have been talking to him for the last several days and will be talking to him on skype hopefully tonight. Not really much going on here except the above I'm really dreading school because math for one is my major problem but later today I'll be working more on my school. Its getting tougher but I know I can do it even if i have to repeat the phrase over and over again I can and will do it and I will get a good grade.

Friday, September 16, 2011

The beginning of another weekend

Well my day is still Thursday but its 1am and is now early Friday morning. My overall day ok. Today is quit day and I smoked my last three cigarettes today by 4pm. I don't have any patches and the gum doesn't do shit for me. I slept on the couch last night and didn't get to do what I wanted to last night cause I had to give blood for lab tests. I then came home for about an hour and then me and my dad went to lunch thanks to my grandma she gave me gift certificates to the restaurant that I've never been to and it was ok. It was really expensive and just our sandwiches and drinks the total was under 16 so we got two cookies and left the rest as a tip. I then came home and watched two movies with my mom and her friend. I popped up popcorn and somehow I managed to only burn mine. But I still ate it cause it wasn't totally burnt to the point it was on fire or had to be thrown out but it did have the taste of burnt popcorn. But oh well it was still good regardless. I totally lost my train of thought right now cause i'm listening to youtube vids from areyousurprised who is recording vlogs on his coming out process and I want to cry for him cause I know how it felt trying to come out when I was younger. Yea my family and I had problems in the beginning but I think we are finally over them after three years or so of what seemed like a fight. Even though I may be gay and they know that I am they are still in denial and probably always will until I get a man to call my own. Its sad to think how religion has society thinking that being gay is bad or a sin. I can't wait until the world changes its views. I'm headed off to work on the rest of my to do list and hopefully will blog tomorrow my mind is scattered and can't think.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Late Tuesday Night

Well its officially Wednesday but yet its still Tuesday night. Not much really going on that is really worth mentioning. The same ole same ole, I didn't get to bed until almost 6am this morning and woke up close to 1pm and tried to get my blood drawn but found out that I couldn't. The reason why I couldn't cause they didn't tell me that for the type of tests that are being done are done in the doctors office and not at the lab. So I have to go back on Thursday between 7:30am and 11am to get my blood drawn so fasting last night was for nothing. I went shopping this morning online at Amazon and got a dildo that is bigger than the one that I have and also got a pair of sleep pants and a shirt. I'm pretty sure they will fit cause I got a bigger size shirt than what I normally wear just to make sure it fits as far as the pants I'm sure they will fit I wear 2XL and they should have draw strings. I checked about my sisters book that is the last in her series that she wants and its will cost about 13 dollars for it and will be released in Oct. I'm waiting on about 35 dollars for Amazon to come in and should get it by next month if not sometime next month. I'm pretty happy with doing surveys it helps me buy cloths and gifts. I was told I didn't have to get gifts for mom and dad cause they bought gifts I just have to put my name on it. I feel kind of bad about not giving them something but when it comes to money problems Christmas really shouldn't be about gifts. I may believe in the Pagan ways but I treasure the time with family during the Christian holidays. Those holidays shouldn't be about gifts even though they are nice but I strongly believe that its about being with family and being thankful for what you have and where you have came from through life. On another note I've noticed that I get views to my blog but one thing I wish they would incorporate is with blogger is that you can see who views your blog if they have an account. I know with Multiply account I had that is what they did but I didn't really like it much. By the way I should probably try and log in to that account and see what pictures I have on there that I don't have any more. If I do have viewers if you could be so kindly to say hi and give a brief bio about yourself and let me know that I actually do have some people reading my thoughts and life it would be greatly appreciated. I do have my comments to where they are reviewed before they are posted so if its personal that you want to tell me or don't want others to see but want to let me know you read that is fine to I won't post them after reading them. Well I'm surprised that I got this much posted I figured it would be short but its not. I'm going to do what I do and be back to blog hopefully tomorrow if not it may be late tomorrow night or tonight my days are so messed up with my sleeping patterns.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Monday Night

Well today is Monday night the day after the anniversary of 9/11. Yesterday was pretty emotional reading and watching all the tributes. Nothing really new going on here I got my final grade for my second class and have a 91% so far my GPA is a 3.70 so I'm doing really well in class. i'm currently talking to a new guy I'm still trying to decide for me what the bounderias are for friends and acquaintances. I talked to my sister on the subject and it all depends on the connection you have with the person. I have a lot of internet friends but have my sister who I concider to be my friend and a friend that she has that I get along with and can talk to. I really don't know what else to talk about things are going pretty good here so I'm going to go and check out my profiles and just chill. I have to give blood in the morning so I have to fast so I can't drink anything or eat anything until afterwards.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Saturday Night

Well today was pretty uneventful but yet really busy for me. I almost woke up late for counseling he called asking if I was still coming and I thought I missed it but the other client couldn't show so I could get in early. He isn't really on pay roll and hired so it was just two friends talking so therapy going on which I think as long as I'm talking to someone about what is going on in my life outside of my family and friends and getting feed back its counseling. I talked to him about the guy who is HIV+ and how badly I want to get with him and yet I don't and was advised that its a really bad idea. I know it is but I think what is appealing is the risk I'm taking with my life. I then came home and ate lunch or breakfast whatever you want to call it and then cleaned my room. I moved stuff from my old room as much as I could and moved it in to my room and then organized my room so now starting tonight i'll probably be in my room more so than downstairs now. I then took a walk with my sister and got some soda and just been relaxing since. I finally got online a few minutes ago and going to catch up on what i've missed and get some computer work done. My mom and sis bitched me out cause I'm up all night and sleeping until noon to 2 o clock in the afternoon and talking with my therapist it is normal and some people are made that way. I was also told I'm a typical male cause I have more porn pics than any other pics but i'm sure that if I added up my pics from facebook and whats on my computer I have 50/50. Well I'm glad I got to write another post tonight and two days in a row. It feels good to blog again.

Friday, September 9, 2011

The beginning of the weekend

Well today is Friday which means the beginning of another weekend and half way through week one of not having school. Not much has gone on in the past two days. I cleaned today I got the bathroom cleaned did my laundry started the dishes took a shower and swept the upstairs. I also got my hooks down from my old room but haven't gotten them up in my new room. I took a nap today and been up around 6 or 7 and i'm doing pretty good with the smoking today i've only had 4 i think by now i would have had like 6 or so. I will probably sleep on the couch tonight since I don't feel like making my bed. I've been catching up on Chris Porter's blog and God DAMN he is so hot I think I've jizzed my pants reading his blog and seeing the vids and pics. Its kind of depressing that I don't have his body but I'm hoping I will someday. I guess I'll go and finish reading and take care of my list of computer things to do and hopefully post tomorrow.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Hump Day

Well today is Wednesday which means two thing; the beginning of a new school week and hump day which means its close to the weekend. Today I have something to really celebrate this last week was finals in school and I turned in my paper last night and got the grade early this morning and I'm extremely pleased with myself. My over all grade for College Comp 1 is 95.30% and my paper on cyber-crime was 97%  I'm still waiting on my Civil lit grades. However the professor has limited access to the internet so it may be a week or so before I get my final grade. I know I've been MIA for a long while but with papers left and right its been kind of hard to do anything fun. Its been pretty much the same old same old. With this still being the beginning of a new month its been kind of tough. I've been having a lot of flash backs this month back in 2009 wasn't a very good month for me but I know I really shouldn't dwell on the past but its kind of hard to do. Of course drinking doesn't help the feeling of depression of course I didn't take my meds for two days in a row cause i knew this last weekend I was probably going to be drinking and I did. I went to the lake with a friend with his cousin and his cousins gf and her family and got pretty drunk late Saturday night. I don't really remember much of it but I think I might have made some advances on my friend who is straight but I really don't know and he never said anything the next day so I guess we are cool. I did have a major hangover the next day and was slightly drunk when I got up but I slept it off and on. Lets see i've been talking with this guy near Monroe City and even though he has a guy we may still be meeting sometime and going to have fun. Its really good to talk to him I like him alot. I've also got another hit off of craigs list about 3 days ago and I deleted the message but had a feeling I should email the guy and I'm glad I did I met him today and got to suck his cock. He says he's straight and really nervous but I could completely understand him cause when I had my first time I was extremely nervous and hesitant. I hope I did better than the one guy that sucked him off. But GOD DAMN he had a nice thick cock it was hard to even fit it in my mouth but his cum was really tasty. Since I have two weeks off of school I really don't know what I'll be doing I know I could use this time to upload some pics and update my profiles and get caught up on my surveys. I'm like really behind on my surveys big time its not cool. I bought myself a new toy its an anal pump I haven't tried it out yet but I'm looking forward to it. The best thing about doing surveys is I can use those points to buy stuff from Amazon. I still need to get my sister one last book but it won't come out until next month. I'm not really sure what to get my parents yet. Its pretty tough shopping for them. Whats also kind of sad is that there is this guy that I really like who lives in hannibal that he asked me out and yet the only time he talks to me is when he wants phone sex or for me to get on cam. I txted him yesterday and no response he even deleted me off of facebook as a friend so I don't know what is going on but I do know one thing I'm moving on he can use me for phone sex but it will only happen when i'm ready for it. In the mean time I'll look else where for a guy. I've also got a letter in the mail about my disability I have a hearing but I don't know when yet. I've also got an ingrown toe nail that hurts like hell. Then today about two hours ago or so my dick started to hurt when I piss I think its cause I was pushing to hard when I was shitting I'm afraid it might be a UTI or some disease but I should be clean cause I haven't done anything with a guy in awhile but I guess the next time I see the dr I need to have tests done unless I can go to CoMO and go to Rain. Oooo also I've started this class to quit smoking i'm doing it mainly cause mum and dad wants me to quit but I figured hey why not give it another stinking shot the worst that can happen is I'll still smoke right? Well any who this next week I can't smoke but I get patches and hopefully I can quit I know it would be nice cause then my health sure yea it might improve but at the same time the way I see it is we are all going to die sometime why not enjoy the pleasures while living life. Well I think that is everything that has been going on lately I'm hoping that since I have this time off I can post more but who know what will happen.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Saturday...Just started...

Well its Saturday and I just woke up about an hour ago my day has just started. Not much going on here I've got one assignment sent in and still need to work on my other one. I still got my DB to work on as well. I'm planning on working on those today. I got news from the dr yesterday I lost 7lbs in the last month. I'm still on the viibryd and will get samples every other month. I really can't of anything to post here i'm feeling really tired I took a benadryl to stop my itching. I may take a nap soon.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Stressful Thursday...

      That's right today has been stressful I've spent most of my day since I was up at noon trying to find an opposing view on why identity theft isn't that threatening. So far I'm not finding it so I can post on my discussion board for school. I did write about another paragraph for my paper on identity theft so I can lead up to the opposing view. I'm done for the night and now to just enjoy my night! I've still been talking to a few guys and been pretty happy. The minor hasn't messaged me so I guess he realized it was a bad idea to i don't know and as long as he doesn't talk to me i'm fine. Anyways not much going on here just school and boredom and stress.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Wow two post two days in a row!

Wow this is an accomplishment two post two days in a row. I'm feeling really happy right now one guy that i've been talking to lives not to far from here and I think I've fallen in love. He makes me happier than a kid at christmas. I can't remember being this happy before I know not to get my hopes up but hopefully this will last. I got my revision done to draft for my paper i still need to expand it some. I still have surveys to do and some other stuff but I felt like posting and writing about how i'm feeling right now.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Tuesday, Seriously?

Well I was about to label this Manic Monday but I just realized its actually Tuesday what the hell? Already it feels like this week is going to go by so fast I have a list of stuff to do and don't feel like I have enough time. I've been up since about 3am and haven't really done much and I'm already tired. I vacuumed my grandmas house and had breakfast I got home and took the dog out and she went in to the road and then went to the bathroom. We came inside and I was txting this really cute guy and j/o and made a vid for him. Mean while the dog got the great idea to go through the bathroom trash and get in to several other things and so I had to clean up messes. I think terriers are named that for a reason they terrorize people they terrorize houses and get in to everything. I've told her no until I'm blue in the face and it doesn't do any good I've tapped her and told her no and she thinks i'm playing. I'm seriously wanting to get a shock collar for her it will teach her the meaning of the word no. Dad made pancakes again this morning I'm really not sure if I want any of it though I had a half order of biscuits and gravy this morning but it was like an hour or two ago. I'll probably work on my paper in about an hour or so I just pray that the muses visit me and inspire me to write my paper. Pray that the gods will take away my headache and give me the energy and motivation I need to get it done. I need to take a shower today as well. Between sweating and smelling like cum its kind of sick. I've got I don't know how many personal profiles but I'm finally getting hits again and then Craig Lists I've got about 4 hits off of it. One guy from one site is positive and I wouldn't mind doing stuff with him I'm like really horny and haven't had any in awhile I'm about to kiss my cares good bye and let him do me raw and bareback but I know that if I do that then I might regret it well I know I will regret it if I get any diseases. But at the same time is it 100% certain that I would get it or is it 50/50. I wish I could see my counselor but I don't have an appointment until the 27th I'm hoping that I don't see the guy until after my appointment. I have a 15yo talking to me and I know when I was that age I had a guy that was my age talking to me and I appreciated it a lot I learned some stuff and it was good to have someone older to talk to. But I'm really not sure about this whole video chat and sexting is a really good idea I'm not the one bring it up either. I would really hate being labeled as a pedophile and the thing is the kid doesn't look like he's 15 I would have guessed 16 at least. Logically I feel like I should tell the kid that we have to stop talking I know he has puppy love cause he's telling me those three words that should not be said yet especially with our age difference what 6 years and there are couples that have the age difference of 6 years or more and yet its ok but I guess they have to wait until they reach the legal age. I can understand if the kid is below 15 then there would be a major problem but some people can't except that 15 is close to 17. Well I'm going to start working on my list of to do and hopefully post some time soon

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Sunday the end of another weekend

Well not much going on I've got a break this week from school I do think I'll be working on my paper today trying to keep myself busy. I was supposed to see a friend this weekend but that didn't happen he canceled without telling me. I really hate when that happens. Of course he has a partner so I shouldn't have held my breath. I should have just went to the movies with my family but what is done is done. I've been pretty happy lately I've been talking to a few guys that makes me feel good and I hope something becomes of it. I'm just currently talking to a couple of guys and listening to music been up for about 12 hours and not sure when I'll go to bed.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011


      MIA once again and this time its been over a month I can't believe it. School is going pretty good this second term is harder than the first but so far I've got good grades and that is all that matters to me sure I'd like to be an A student but my life doesn't depend on it to live. Sure its a good way to make sure that I've got bragging rights but I won't die if I don't have A's. This term I'm in right now I'm taking civil litigation and college comp one and I've got papers due every week. This last week I started on writing a paper for my subject cyber crime and it will be pretty interesting it means a lot of research to be done but I think it will be worth it.

      I'm still seeing a counselor and so far its going pretty good I don't have another appointment until August 27th. I should then be his first official client :) I'm not really sure how to feel about that I think I should feel honored. But yet I also feel like I'll be his guinea pig and I'm not sure I spelled that right but eh oh well. I'm kind of glad that my counselor is gay cause then he can relate more to me. I still miss the other guy he was really cool but things happen for a reason and we just have to accept them and move on.  The doctor put me on a new medication for the bi polar I'm up more and sleeping way less and I'm not hungry like I used to be I've actually don't feel hungry most of the time. I would think with all this free time I would blog more but that hasn't happened.

      Well ok since you now know how school is going and how things are going health wise that is important on to talk more about the fun stuff. I haven't done much farming on facebook or playing much of the games on there but I have been drowning myself in music and watching movies I've been mostly singing on facebook most of the time. My sister says I'm a spammer but I haven't got any complaints. Today or well yesterday should I say I had breakfast with my grandma after helping her at her house with vacuuming and dusting. I got my phone back on today and my ex well to be straight forward he can go to hell yes I still love him but I can't set myself up to be hurt again. I normally set myself up to be hurt again every time I talk to him or try to trust him. I was supposed to have a phone with him but coming to find out it was with his ex and they broke up recently cause his ex supposivly bashed him in the head with a laptop and I say good for him he needed it along time ago but the way I see it is Karma is getting him back for the way he treated me. I  then spent the rest of the day with my friend and I got to suck him off after he got off of work and then tomorrow or today i'm supposed to meet a new guy and have some more fun I'm hoping that another friend of mine will be free this weekend and we can go to his place but if not oh well. Well I'm headed off to have a smoke and fix some tea and enjoy my night.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The weekend is almost here

That's right the weekend is almost here one more day and then the 4th of July weekend begins. I wish I could say that I don't have big plans and I guess I don't but my family is hosting a 4th of July dinner here at our house. Its causing some anxiety as to there will be a lot of people in the house and one of the families coming I have a dislike for after what happened between our families. Counseling went pretty well I went in feeling a 5 and left feeling a 7. I came home went to bed or well took a nap and got up around 8 now I'm just checking out the news and emails and then off to watch some Buffy.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

MIA Again...

Well so far school is doing well I've gotten A's and B's in my classes now I've got a week off then i get go back for another ten weeks. Nothing new has been going on I've got my first hopefully regular customer. I've been sleeping a lot and kind of feeling down now I feel a little bit energized but not much. I really don't know what else to say I'm currently watch Glee with my sister and just chillin.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Sunday the end of another weekend

So today is Pride fest and once again I'm not able to go. My ex said he would take me and we would be going to springfield but then he not only calls to see if I'm still wanting to go but then doesn't come and pick me up which I figured it would happen cause we are talking about me ex here but it hurts that he doens't call to let me know plans have changed or what not. But my night got better I was talking with a friend who I like a lot and life seems better now. I woke up in a weird upset kind of mood but having coffee and talking to that special someone makes my gray skies go blue. Along with listening to music to. Other than that not much going on my paper is written all I have to do is type it up and post it for school.Going to go look a the news and possibly work on putting my cloths away and making my bed.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Wonderful Friday Night...

              I've had a good Friday I had my dr, appointment and everything is headed in the right direction there. I got some sleep after the appointment and went to Railroad days that is held here in town trying to sell Avon but I got slight anxiety in the big crowds. So we came back home and my ex came by to see if I wanted to go to the lake since the night before we got lightning out due to storms. We stayed in the water for about 10 to 15 mins before there was to much lightning. Its amazing what water can do to your spirits and body. I'm full of energy and got my room for the most part cleaned so I don't have much to do tomorrow to clean. My plans for this weekend is to go to gay pride in Springfield but I'm not really going to hold my breath on it since the past experience with my ex. I know they said they were going to Springfield but it doesn't mean I'll be going as well cause he may either forget or change is mind about taking me.

           My parents aren't to happy with me because I've said that I wasn't going to hang out with my ex but he's showing that he is making an effort to be around me and not the other way around. I've come to the conclusion that if he wants something from me I'll tell him no can't do but as long as he's making the effort to want to see me and not use me I'm fine. I've met a couple of guys who want me but there is one in particular that I really like and he makes me feel good and all bubbly. Its sad that he lives to far from me hopefully that we can build our friendship and then hopefully make it more. I've got a paper to write before Tuesday and I haven't really started on it. I finally figured out today what my career goals are and now I just have to write it out. So tonight I'm going to be doing my research and working on writing the paper and doing some school work before I leave and take my laptop with me to do more work on it. It feels like for once in a long time life is looking up and now I'm going to go and work on surveys, emails, and the usual.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Hump day

Well lets see today is hump day but for me its the beginning of a school week. I have a lot to do in school I have a paper due Tuesday along with my discussion boards and a quiz in one class. I haven't been to bed yet I've been up since 3pm yesterday so I'm over 12 hours of being up I'm glad I have coffee and now I have a Route 44 from Sonic to give me a pep of energy. I have counseling, a seminar in an hour, surveys to do and a meeting to go to tonight. I feel like today is a busy day and I won't have time to do what I need but I'm just making it bigger than what it is. Well I should go work on my things to do and Hopefully post tonight.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Short post today

Well not much going on I've slept since 5am to about 6pm tonight and now i'm up. I did get up around noon but was so tired I fell asleep in the chair. I'm finally online got surveys, emails, and stuff to do but I thought I'd post here first.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

First weekend in June

Well today is Saturday the first weekend in June not much going on this weekend. I've got a lot accomplished to day and been up since almost 2pm today. I got my room cleaned as far as bedding got washed, laundry got done, bedroom floor got swept and swiffer swept, and I fixed supper tonight as well. I feel pretty good its been pretty hot for the last couple of days I think today was hotter than yesterday I took a shower and I've been having trouble keeping cool. I hate to sweat and especially after taking a shower. This month will be a busy month for me from doctors appointment to wanting to hang out with friends and now that I'm an Avon rep I have a meeting this next week on top of school. I just wish I could be the energizer bunny and just keep going and going and going...... But oh well life goes on speaking about going on I'm going to go check my emails, check the news, and what not and hopefully I can blog daily I know I keep saying that and it doesn't happen but maybe one day it will happen.

Thursday, June 2, 2011


Well today is Thursday not much going on in the last two or three days since I last posted. I had counseling yesterday and I got recruited to sell Avon. I felt better after counseling I was still feeling bleh, I don't know and I don't care mood but today is much better. I think its because I have a purpose now I have something to do and a reason to get up. I know that I have a reason because of school but I think selling Avon would be good for me. I'm planning on visiting a friend today and sell Avon or at least attempt. I've been thinking positively and pushing the doubts away.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Lazy Monday

Today is Memorial Day it normally doesn't feel like a holiday but today is different. We didn't get mail, I didn't have class, and overall I feel lazy I didn't feel like doing much I woke up later than what I wanted. But I did get what I was supposed to do in school done for the day. I still have a lot of surveys to do. I spent most of my time reading the news and signing petitions. I'm currently working on my playlist and about to start farming and doing surveys. I did take a walk tonight with my sister which it was nice we got to talk and she bought me water while she ate ice cream. I feel like I haven't done much and yet idk I'm not really sure how I feel. I know I feel like I should be doing something but not sure what and yet I don't feel like doing anything. I think i'm going to go and work on my surveys and hopefully post tomorrow and things can be different.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

The end of the weekend

Well today is Sunday the end of the weekend but yet its also Memorial weekend so most people still have off until Tuesday. I've got a good portion of my school done which is good. I've learned a lot about what my learning style is. I've then spent the rest of the day the last several hours watching movies. I'm currently watching the Heroes series and now I can't pay attention any more so now I'm planning on checking my emails, doing some surveys, farming, and catching up on the news. My mind has drawn a blank so I think I'll go do my thing.

Friday, May 27, 2011


Well today is friday the beginning of the weekend. Not much going on been working on some school talking to a friend and hopefully it could be more but I live in a different city and don't have a car. I'm taking a mental break right now I worked on one subject and got what I needed to get done for today. I've been up since 9 30ish which is weird cause i'm hardly up that early unless i'm up all night. Well not much to post today or that I can think of so going to watch a movie and then work on this other subject.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Hump day Oh Happy day

Well today is Wednesday and I had school today after having a break this last week since it was midterms. Not much going on today I woke up late this afternoon went to the library to pick up a book. I have counseling next week and finally my parents are doing something about the foul person living with us they found alcohol hidden in the closet and it was making the up stairs smell horrible cause it fermented and was just really gross. They said that if she can afford alcohol then she can afford to pay rent so if she doesn't come up with some money she's out of here I'm really happy and can't wait for this to all end. I'm excited cause class is back in action and have about 5 more weeks for this term or semester or whatever you want to call it. Life feels pretty good right now. I still have almost 60 emails for surveys to do so I'm going to go do that and hopefully I can blog tomorrow.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


Well not much really going on here just sitting and watching Stardust with my sister. I haven't been online in two days or so. Its been raining but I can't really complain its better than having an extremely dry heat. I'm going to see a counselor again if I can get them to answer my call. I've got mixed feelings about seeing a counselor again. One cause I really liked the one I was seeing until he left. Two cause i'm really not sure about the second reason. Well I got a ton of emails to go through so I'm going to go and do that now.

Sunday, May 22, 2011


Well I haven't been able to blog daily like I would like but eh life goes on. I'm currently sitting here watching a movie The 10th Kingdom. Its one of my favorites. I watched The Secret Window with my sister earlier it was pretty good it had Johnny Depp in it. I asked mom earlier today if we had the money for me to see a counselor and she never really answered my question. There isn't really much going on today or lately in the past two days. We did have a tornado watch/warning today and it is possible until 9pm tonight that we could have one in our area. Supposedly the world was supposed to end yesterday and that never happened either. I think weather permitting that I'll walk and go to the library. Well I think I'm going to work on my surveys and what not now.

Friday, May 20, 2011

MIA almost 11 days....

Yep that is right I've been MIA for almost 11 days between school and keeping up with emails and facebook I haven't really had much time to blog. This week though is midterms and they are giving us kind of a break. I've been able to keep good grades which is making me happy and I feel like life is better for the most part. We got a puppy a few weeks ago and is kind of driving me crazy but I guess I really can't do anything about it. Part of me feels like I should see a counselor but yet I really don't want my parents to have to pay for it and knowing my parents they really can't afford it. I'm not really happy cause of the person living with my parents I really hate her and wish she was dead. You may ask what makes her so bad that you wish she was dead. Well she's disgusting its like living with a pig she's inconsiderate and filthy. I don't know how many times I've told her not to paint her nails and toes inside the house because the smell of the nail polish makes me sick. She did it in her room tonight thinking oh it will be ok well no cause I can still smell it and I've shut my door and turned on the fan and opened my window so I can breath. She eats more than I do and yet she will sit there and complain about being fat. The kicker is she doesn't look that fat. My sister is annoying me to it could be that I'm easily annoyed right now for the past couple of days I've been wanting to smack someone or scream but yet I just keep it all inside. My music for the most part keeps me sane as sane as can be. Well I think I'm going to go and finish checking my emails and what not and hopefully I can blog again soon.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Monday Night, Tuesday Morning

Well it is a little after 1am here in Mo. I had a busy day Monday... I finished my essay, cleaned a trash can that had puke in it that sat on our porch for almost a month or so, did dishes, cleaned the kitchen and swept the kitchen and back porch, did my laundry and cleaned my room, and for the most part done with school this week. I have blood that i need taken today ( Tuesday) my mood is pretty good according to pandora radio. A lot of show tunes and country playing. Its been really muggy yesterday and its pretty humid tonight I don't think i can sleep comfortably in this weather so also to ensure that i'm up to get my blood drawn i'm just staying up i have surveys to do and a farm to take care of. Not a whole lot going on now I thought I would post here before I got to involved with my surveys.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day

Well today is Mother's Day and I got to sleep in today and when I got up I gave mom her present. She really liked it. Then I ate my breakfast and then I ended up sleeping for the rest of the day. So now that I'm up I could go back to bed but I need to work on school, emails, surveys, and facebook so I think I'm going to stay up for awhile.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

The weekend...

That is right its Saturday and not much going on I have an essay to do and going to spend my day doing that. I was invited to go out of town this weekend for a booty call but I've declined since this paper is due. I'm still having severe headaches if I exert to much energy doing anything even going up and down the stairs. I can tell its Saturday I don't feel like doing shit. But oh well I got to do what I got to do. Well i'm headed to go do that paper now.

Thursday, May 5, 2011


Ok so I've been MIA for almost a week and I notice that its kind of a pattern for me. I should take some time for reflection. I have a schedule of what I need to do each day. I'm trying to manage my time better and that way I feel a little bit more in control of my life. I'm doing pretty good in school I've got an A- for my first week so not bad not bad at all. This weekend is Mother's Day and I think I'm going to give mom her gift instead of waiting until her birthday or even Christmas. I've also been having a headache for the past 4 days and mom thinks that its my blood pressure which it could be cause its really high. I'm currently taking a mental break from school I got one class pretty much done I still need to post on the discussion board and a seminar to do in it then I'm finish for the week. I then have an essay do and its just getting it done is the problem. Well I think i'm going to go finish what surveys I've started and then start on school again.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Tuesday Night

Well i didn't want to get up this morning but the urge to pee was overwhelming so i finally got up around 2 i think and then i got something to eat and i just got done with my seminar and kind a tired so not really much going on here. I have a busy day for the most part tomorrow so going to finish here and then go to bed.


WOW so i've been MIA for well now a week and a day. What have I been up to? Well lets see I started school on the 20th and been studying and still trying to figure out my classes, been doing surveys, and checking the facebook world of news. I'm really enjoying my classes I'm studying to become a paralegal. There is A LOT of information in this  one class then the other class i'm taking is pretty much on how to be a good student and a successful student at that. Surveys are coming along pretty well i'm still trying to juggle it and school but i've gotten some of my sisters books i have three i think but soon to have four. Other than that not much going on. Oh i'm not seeing my counselor he went out of town where he lives so i'm unable to see him and at times i wish i could see someone or had a friend that i could talk to about everything that is bugging me or whats happening in my life. I'm still trying to get the boarder to leave but haven't been successful of it yet. She's really pissing me off. The bathroom is a mess, she's taken Ramen noodles and not using the sauce packet which i see is a complete waste why doesn't she just take and boil macaroni instead we have plenty of it. But NNNNOOOOO she's to stupid to figure that out or even fucking ask. I'm pretty much not talking to her I fucking ignore her and when she's around her sister and another friend here at our house i say mean stuff they may think is a joke but deep down i mean every fucking word of it. I'm glad i have my room cause i spend most of my time in my room. In my room i don't have to worry about stuff. I do wish my room was bigger though that way i could fit a dresser and i wouldn't feel so cramped in here but yet my room is cozy. Well thats pretty much whats on my mind. Hopefully i can blog everyday.

Monday, April 18, 2011


Well i've been MIA haven't really felt like blogging or been busy with other things. I'm now enrolled in school for Paralegal studies. I'm pretty excited and nervous. I'm nervous in a way that i'm afraid i'll fail. Not a whole lot going on doing pretty good with surveys and keeping up with my farm. I'm going to go farm now since i at least popped in and said hi and updated some.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Hump day

Well things are going pretty good i've only had about an hour of sleep and it wasn't very pleasant. I kept having spasms which were painful and intense. I had coffee with my grandma at 4 this morning and i'm getting everything set up to start school. I have a dr appointment tomorrow. I'm not seeing my counselor anymore  cause he is moving his office out of town and mom says i really need to see a counselor but at the same time we don't really have the money for me to see one. I think our boarder is getting sick of us we keep getting on to her about stuff. She got in to my refrigerator and not only put her candy in it but took a mousse temptation that i had in there. Her whole attitude is that she doesn't care and that its no big deal but it is. Then i got on to her about cleaning the bathroom she's been using her cloths and our good towels to wipe her ass and its just down right disgusting. I told her that if i clean it that anything and everything on the floor will be thrown away. She cleaned it but next time I'll do it and she won't like it. Not a whole lot going on right now I got through all but two of my surveys and worked someone on all of my farms but i still have more surveys to do and going to finish up farming. 

Sunday, April 10, 2011

4 Days MIA

Not much has been going on really just the usual. Been feeling eh ok i just have no energy no motivation. I just had to kill a wasp the first one of the season to get in my room i think its time for air conditioning and shut the house up. Its been almost 90 degrees today sitting here with the fan on high and on me full blast and still feeling hot. I have surveys to do and i haven't really taken care of my farm for awhile. I'm not getting unemployment anymore but i still have to report each week i just think its absolutely stupid to do. last night i was feeling worthless like i have no purpose to wake up in the morning no purpose to live as well but yet i wasn't really thinking suicide either just thinking why should i live i have no job i have no purpose. I have counseling on wednesday i need to tell him about it. I finally own camp which is a really good movie. I won't have my phone in 7 days. I can't afford it and i don't want it to be a burden to dad and mom. I don't really use my phone anyways. I don't really talk to anyone and i'm realizing its cause i really don't have anything to say. Well i'm going to go do what i need to do.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Wendsday what a day...

I've only had 3 hours of sleep went and worked at my grandmas doing yard work and went shopping. Haven't really done a whole lot but it feels like i've done alot i had cousneling and it was pretty good. I'm still trying to decide what courses i should take and i was told by mom that i should look in to paralegal which doesn't sound to bad. not really a lot  on my mind right now so i'm going to go do surveys and what not.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


Well Monday i had a good day i didn't get any sleep sunday night or monday morning and i had breakfast with my grandma. Then i went to como with some friends and spent the whole day there most of the day from noon until 7 and i crashed on the way home and fell asleep as soon as i laid down in bed and got up around 2 and had to pee then went back to bed got up around 10 and had to pee again then went back to bed and finally decided to get up around 2 and then i watch a movie and seen that my sister came home early. I'm pretty happy about that :) i'm kinda pissed off right now cause i'm wanting to get an external hard drive for my computer one to hopefully speed it up and two i have alot of music that i listen to and want and my mom pretty much told me that i can't spend my money on what i want its like she has control over what i can and can't do. She said i need it to save it in order to pay for the things i need and so i'm pretty pissed off. Well my sister is here so i'm going to chat with her and do my surveys.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Sunday the end of the weekend

Well again for the most part i slept all day good news is no wetting this time. I felt sick after taking my meds this morning and i get tired after my morning dose so i don't know whats going on. Me and mom are kinda upset about sis going to prom i'm happy for her but i don't agree with some of the things she's doing but at the same time i'm being hypocritical to so i just have to hold my tongue. Its been really warm today and cooling off tonight i think we are getting a thunderstorm so i have my window open to enjoy the sounds. I think i'm going to just stay up and drink energy drinks. Its been really quiet i think its only cause sis isn't here. Ooooo its raining now yay

Saturday, April 2, 2011


Well i got up about 11am and i think i need to talk to the dr or something cause i really don't want to admit it and i thought it would just stop and go away. It happens about once or twice a week.....I've been having problems with wetting the bed i'm not sure if its cause i'm to cold or what but its upsetting me. i did my weekly cleaning and i think i'm going to start keeping the bathroom upstairs cleaned to i'm sick and tired of feeling like i'm living in filth cause of the person who is living with us. Then i can go off on her when she says she helps out around here. but any who i'm not much going on here so i'm going to go and check my emails and what not.

Friday nite, Early Saturday

Well i got about 9 hours total today. Sis left for prom and its just been quiet not much going on here same thing different day. Not a whole lot on my mind really but i thought i would pop in and say hi.

Friday, April 1, 2011

The weekend approaches

Well i had my dr appointment and he upped my dosage of one med and i have stuff for my asthma but said he didn't want to give me anything else that could mess with my brain. I came home and took a nap and then got up watched a movie and then took a walk which almost killed me i'm in alot of pain. I took some Tylenol and my meds so we'll see if i pass out. Not really eventful today my sis goes to KC for a week since this weekend is prom for her bf so it will be boring and lonely but eh oh well i guess. going to work on my surveys and try and farm i haven't farmed in long while.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

MIA for 3 days.... :(

Well i've been MIA for three days i've been pretty much sleeping most of my days away and when i'm up i have alot on my mind or to me its alot. i've been sleeping so much ive been pretty much depressed. I need to make a list of things i want to talk to the dr about tomorrow when i see him. I didn't have counseling today cause he was sick so i got food from one food bank and took dad to work and been cleaning my computer up so it runs faster. I bought a chair for my room so i'm not always sitting in bed. I've been kinda hurt and depressed cause i'm beginning to realize that not much is going on in my life and i don't talk to that many people anymore people i called friends don't txt to see how i am or what i'm up to they only txt me when ever i txt them first. Or like my ex he needs something either for me to use the car or for something and its hurting me. It hurts me cause i feel used and unwanted.... :( I've been doing pretty good with surveys. I still have to weed thru them cause my inbox is now having spam and i don't like it. Well i'm going to go start working and what not.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Sunday the end of the weekend....

Well its almost Monday an hour left of Sunday....*Sigh* i've slept pretty much all weekend i don't know why but i have. I haven't really been online much to tired and no energy but now i'm on and i decided i would blog first before i go check my emails and do what i normally do. Its really sad my social life is gone i just don't feel like socializing and when i do i get anxiety attacks. I really don't have much to say so i'm going to go do what i do.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Friday not Saturday

Well I was up until oh about 7am this morning after watching paranormal activity and doing surveys and what not. Got up around 11:30am took my meds and then ate lunch after an hour since i have to take one of my meds on an empty stomach. Last nite i took care of some paper work for disability and mom filled out the third party paper work. Got everything ready for the mail to pick it all up and it can be sent off. Feeling really tired lately and it could be the moon cause we are going in to a new moon and when we were getting in to the full moon i had lots of energy. It could also be the weather its been gray and cold and wet. It could be alot of things that are making me tired. But i'm up now and will probably go to bed sometime tomorrow. I have some things i want to get taken care of like working on my BOS and typing up my recipes and saving them. My ex called twice today but my phone was dead so when i turned it on i had two voice mails and it was him wanting to talk so i called him and he was going on about how he was charged for molestation for three years ago and other shit and wanted me to go to wal mart to drive his car to the house and stuff and told him i didnt have the care and all and the whole time he's talking i'm thinking HA HA HA HA Karma is a bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!! everything i've dealt with or been accused of and shit he's having to go thru with of course i still can't trust wether or not he is telling the truth but eh IDC really i kinda do but yet i don't  mentally i don't but my heart does. I got kind a busy schedule this next week i got counseling like usual and then i have a dr app to follow up on the bipolar. Then in three months i have an app to follow up on my thyroid. Well i'm going to go make some money with surveys work on my play list and take care of what i would like to do.

Ugh Snow...

Well i just got done smoking and checked some emails and its snowing Ugh i'm tired of snow and cold weather. Not much going on wednesday i had counseling and got my lab results back and i have to take calcium and vitamin d and a thyroid regimen. I went to bed early wednesday nite and slept all thru the nite and then got up thursday around almost noon and then went back to bed around 3 and got up around 5 and been up ever since. Hung out with some friends and my sis rented paranormal activity two and watched it by myself and that was scary afterwards my mind is playing tricks on me and its scary so i decided i'll stay in my room until its a little lighter out. I haven't made any money doing surveys since wednesday morning. So i'm going to go and start doing surveys and stuff.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Tuesday...Now wednesday

Well Tuesday felt a like wednesday since i went down stairs and mom wasn't home. I was up all last nite and when i did sleep only got a few hours in and then had supper with family. it was really good had chili which will probably back fire on me sometime tonight but it was really good. i spent two hours that morning talking with mom and it was really nice to spend sometime with her. My ex called me about an hour ago needing my memory of where he has lived with in the past three years. I know better than he knows himself according to him...but who knows. Sitting here listening to Pandora radio and the song is boogie wonderland by EWF awesome group really good song. It makes me want to dance...I think i'm doing pretty well i think i've forgotten to take me meds here lately but really noticing much of a difference. I might be slightly moody but there are three women in the house and pms is contagious i'm pretty easy to feel others moods and then i express them.  Well i'm headed to do my thang online.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Monday not tuesday...

Well yesterday was monday and all day it felt like tuesday :( I hate when days feel like its not the day it is cause if your expecting something then it makes you believe that it will be here sooner and it doesn't happen. Its not like i'm really expecting anything great to happen but eh idk days are all mixed together. Monday i went to bed around 6am and got up about 15 minutes till 1 which i wasn't happy at all i had shit to do at 1 and i know i shouldn't have done it but i sped to my appointment and got that taken care with no cig or food and so when i got out i smoked a cig and called my lawyer and then went to get food and happy hour. I came home i was so tired after only sleeping 6 hours and went back to bed for another two hours and now i feel fine but i'm going to be up for awhile. I know that when i took my nap i had a dream but i can't really remember my dream but i know the dream was good cause i woke myself up J/O. Today was warmer than what its been in awhile up in the 70's i room has felt really warm but i'm glad i have a fan or i'd be miserable. Me and my sis went to the dreaded place to go shopping for chips before we went to get our sandwiches at subway for supper i can't believe how much i spent but yet i can for one we went shopping on an empty stomach and mom didn't seem happy at all but eh she'll deal. I have surveys todo and farming to get done i want to start working on my BOS and work more on my playlist but eh it will get done sooner or later no big rush.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

First day of spring....

Well today is the first day of spring and its absolutely wonderful outside its been nice weather for most of this last week. I got a lot accomplished today finished cleaning my room organized from my bedside table closet on top of my closet and my shelves and locker and the rest of my room organized along with making my bed putting away cloths. Other than that i haven't done much got the dishes loaded cleaned the bathroom and sprayed the boarders room down with disinfectant spray she's been sick for almost a week now. I watched megamind today and it was pretty good. Yesterday i did my laundry and cleaned most of my room then took our boarder to the er cause she's been sick for almost a week and has been throwing up and sounding like an animal with the dry heaves the finally kept her since she keeps coming back for the same thing. she just txted me wanting me to take her charger but i don't have the car so i txted a friend and haven't gotten a reply back yet. So i signed up with about 18 different survey sites and so most of my time is taken up doing surveys. I'm pretty excited about it at least its some type of money i'm making. I had breakfast/lunch with my grandma yesterday had a pretty good time with her came home and made a pot of coffee. i say breakfast/lunch cause i woke up a little after 11am having to go to the bathroom and seen she messaged me on facebook so it was my breakfast but i ate lunch since the time was around lunch. I was sitting outside earlier tonight enjoying the weather and my mind went back to october of last year and then october of the year before that and march of last year and the year before that. I don't know why i get these flashbacks the way i do and normally what triggers these flashbacks is weather, scents, or whatever my senses feel. Then i absentmindedly compare where i'm at in my life and see whats the differences. Well i've drawn a blank of what else to write of whats been going on or what i'm feeling so i'm going to go do my surveys now and hopefully farm.

Friday, March 18, 2011

The beginning of the weekend

Well i slept from 8 to 5 and then walked to a friends house and saw her new born baby she is so adorable. not very eventful really today i got some exercise today and got the dishes done and now to see how much money i can make tonight doing surveys i made 2 dollars last night early this morning and now i can farm YAY. i haven't heard from my ex since he's been in town so idk whats going on. but i kinda don't care but yet i do. well i've got really nothing else to say so i'm going to go do what i got to do.

Wednesday and thursday...

So wednesday i had counseling and we went over a couple of poems and a song i wrote and it went pretty well. I can't really remember much of wedensday here lately i can't really remember much. Then thursday of what i remember i had my dr. appointment and i told him my concerns for my meds and he said that being hungry all the time is a rock and a hard place that it comes with the meds if it works then deal with it said he doens't see me being on my meds for to long anyways. i told him i was worried about diabetes he said don't worry about it that he's not concerned about it i told him that i sleep 12 plus hours when i sleep and he said that it could be thyroid so i got my blood taken to do some tests. I told him that my knee has been stiff and said that its my weight and when i told him i was applying for disability he pretty much laughed after he asked why and i told him cause of the depression and bipolar and that i'm eligable anyways he said good luck that he doesn't see me getting it. I don't get to really talk to him about what my other diagnosis is what other health problems i've had. It kinda bothers me that i only get to tell him parts. Oh and wednesday night i spent all nite on the phone with my ex to keep him awake while he was driving and then he never did respond to my txt messages later on thursday but oh well i kinda dont care but yet i hate being ignored. I came home after my drs appointment and slept for a few hours then had supper with the fam and then went to wal mart and had a pretty good time. Then i took a walk with my sister before i got to involved online. I signed up with more survey sites and i got a dollar in pay pal just for one survey so i'm pretty excited. I figured that if i'm not working then i could make money online yea it kinda takes some time and doesn't pay much but here is the kicker if i have tons of surveys i could make some money to keep me satisfied until i see whats happening with disability. Later today since its now friday that i'm writing this i'm going to see a friend of mine she had her baby and see whats surprised me is i didn't really know she was prego i've heard it talked about but didn't really know so at least i get to socialize. Its been awhile since i've done that really my social life since moving back in with mom and dad has died down i don't really txt my friend likes i did when i lived with that no good using woman that i called friend and co worker. it still kind ticks me off that i was played like a fool but of course i can only blame myself. I finally got all my cds on my computer so now i can go thru see which ones i want on my mp3 player and on my computer and delete the ones i can't stand. well i'm going to go do more surveys.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Monday MIA...

Well its monday another day of another week...*sigh* Well its been 5 days taking my new meds the dr put me on i'm sleeping a little more not feel as depressed or having the feeling i want to cut myself been feeling kinda mellow i guess. Not feeling really happy and on a high like i would like but yet i'm not feeling so depressed like i was either. I have a lot to talk to the dr about with this medication. I've been MIA on blogging just haven't felt like it after i get done with my other online stuff but life goes on i got the poems printed off like i was asked to by my counselor i still need to print off my blogs though he said something about the ones that means something to me. I talked to mom a few days ago i think she asked me how life is and i told her that it sucks and she's like yea it does but i mentioned about how at times i want to cry but can't that i can't bawl like i used to but instead at the end of the day when i'm laying in bed my eyes will just run but i can't cry. i call it silent crying its where i cry inside all day but i can't cry outwards but at times i just want to cut myself to release my pain i feel inside to make myself cry and when i told her that i don't actually do it but i want to she said i need to tell my counselor if i haven't and i told her i haven't i don't really think about it when i see him. My meds i'm taking makes me tired as hell and the first day i took it during the day i took a nap and so i decided that i would take it at nite and yet i'm still tired during the day and take a nap and then i'm up until 3 or 4 in the morning and then i sleep all day. Its another thing i need to talk to the dr about sleepy during the day, hungry all the time like i haven't eaten anything at all, it may cause diabetes which my grandpa on moms side has diabetes so its not something i want to get it will be life altering. i'm applying for disability i have an appointment on the 21st i need to call my lawyer tomorrow and let her know about another dr to add to the list and meds and what he said i have. Its kinda weird i haven't been online today until now i have farming to do and see if i have any surveys and see if i can cash in for anything yet. I feel kinda bad cause i haven't really talked to any of my friends like i used to since i moved in with mom and dad. i haven't heard from larry for a few  weeks i should probably txt him tomorrow. I haven't talked to kim since i saw her in wal mart she said that the block misses me or at least her and her dad. I still need to check out some colleges and aske them questions mom said i could go to her and ask her what questions i should ask them and then check out the sites and talk to them. since i don't know what i want to do i was told i should go for my general associates degree which is pretty much touching all the basics and a little bit of everything and then decide what i want to do. I know that my degree will have to be something with out science biology chemistry advanced math cause i know i will fail those classes and i know that when it comes to design i got a pretty good grade and i got a good grade in acting even though i didn't put 110 percent in to that class mostly because i didn't turn in some work. i like acting but i don't like being the center of attention and being in front of crowds. i do good not to have a major anxiety attack going in to wal mart. well i think i've out of something to write so going to go do the rest of my online stuff i thought i would post here first since i was MIA.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

In All A Good Day :)

Well i slept pretty much all thru the night got up in time for my dr appointment. I had breakfast with mom and dad it was kinda a downer when i seen it was grey out i thought they said it was going to be sunny and it wasn't this morning :(. I saw the dr and he gave me a sample of a different med and said that i go back in a week said that it sounds like i was miss diagnosed which is a downer i was being treated for depression and he said it sounds like i have bipolar depression. I took my new meds as soon as i got them and i took a nap after i took dad to work and went to wal mart to get some rub for my knee. I then got dad from work and had supper it was pretty good it was a pizza night. Now i'm online farming checking emails doing surveys and what not listening to pandora radio. Not really feeling much just tired which i guess its a good thing since its 8:15.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Tuesday feels like wendsday

Well i didn't get to bed until 5am i haven't been able to fully stay awake to try to go to bed at a decent time but eh oh well. I didn't do what i was planning on doing but its ok there is always tomorrow. I've been working on my farms mostly i'm in an eh bleh mood. I'm glad i'm able to spend my time by myself i don't really feel like being around other people. Going to go finish farming and listening to music.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Monday ugh

Well its monday i learned more about general associates degree and now my job is to start asking questions at different online schools. I have also decided that since i'm not getting any help on my farm that i'm going to create several profiles just to help with my farm. Some say that is sad but i say the only true person to you is yourself. I've already gotten my emails done today and i've made a couple of phone calls that i needed to call and so there isn't much to do now but have fun.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Ah the end of the weekend...

Well the weekend went by fast of course with being unemployed every week goes by fast. I spent yesterday hanging out with my sis and her friends i had fun we burnt pics took pics at the park and just had a good time. I had three energy drinks and was surprised i was asleep and in bed by 2 and i got up at 7 of course i couldn't help that i had to go to the bathroom. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn't which was good i started cleaning my room and doing my weekly cleaning with my room. I'm pretty OCD cause i make sure its completely sanitized and i rearrange my room about every 2-3 weeks and so far i think i'm happy with the way its set up. I wish my room was bigger though cause then i'd be able to move things around so freely instead of being cramped in my room but eh its ok. I have alot of research to do and phone calls to make this next week I'm hoping i can see my friend kim this week. I haven't txt or seen her since i saw her at the store last week. Not a whole lot has been going on today was a better day than it has been in a long while. I do know that money has been a big stresser and anxiety initiator but hopefully that will get fixed. Well i'm going to go farm and finish my other online business.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Rainy Friday

The weekend is finally here and its sad its raining out. I still can't sleep and when i do i don't want to get up and on top of that i've been having strange dreams and not really sure why. I found out today that the dr i was going to go see i can't cause i owe another dr in the same building money and i can't pay them. So not really sure what will happen or if i'll get help. I went and took care of my unemployment in order to get my money this next month. i know that if i can't sleep i'll just drink energy drinks and stay up. I've already checked my emails and took care of one of my farms and did some surveys so know all i have to do is my other farm and then i really don't have much to do. My ex called me and instead of asking me questions it was all talk of nonsense stuff and all. I really don't know how i feel about him like yes i do love him and always will part of me wants to see about getting back together but part of me doesn't. But i do know i don't want to rush anything. I still don't know what i want to go to school for. Well i think i'm going to go and see what everyone else is doing and step out for a smoke.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Lazy day

*sigh*  Well its thursday and i don't feel like doing much its not like i have much to do anyways really. I'm just sitting in bed online just wanting to block out the world to dig a hole and climb in. I wish life was better, i wish i was working i wish i knew what i wanted to do in life and i feel all alone not sure who to talk to who to turn to. The only thing to comfort me is music and keeping myself busy with farmville. I'm still trying to go thru my emails so i can delete one of my accounts but its a slow process. Doing surveys are doing pretty good i have at least one account that i can redeem my points and close to getting something in another one. Well i think i'm going to finish doing what i was doing and possibly if i have something to say i'll be back.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

MIA :(

Oh wow its been forever since i blogged. A lot has happened i moved out of  the abusive environment i was in and moved back in with my parents so we have the whole family back under one roof plus one. Counseling is going good and my ex is back in my life somewhat. We talk once in awhile but i'm hoping things don't go back to the way it was. I finally got a lap top and i'm working on paying off my bed. Still looking for a job and its stressing me out cause i know unemployment won't last. Good news is i have cut back on my smoking instead of a pack a day or more i smoke a fourth to half a pack it all varies. There is alot on my mind and alot i'm not sure how to put on here. Its been depressing for me not knowing whats going to happen to me financially but i know in the end it will all work out. I'm hoping i can blog regularly. I'm hoping to work on my BOS but its not my main focus right now.