Monday, March 14, 2011
Well its monday another day of another week...*sigh* Well its been 5 days taking my new meds the dr put me on i'm sleeping a little more not feel as depressed or having the feeling i want to cut myself been feeling kinda mellow i guess. Not feeling really happy and on a high like i would like but yet i'm not feeling so depressed like i was either. I have a lot to talk to the dr about with this medication. I've been MIA on blogging just haven't felt like it after i get done with my other online stuff but life goes on i got the poems printed off like i was asked to by my counselor i still need to print off my blogs though he said something about the ones that means something to me. I talked to mom a few days ago i think she asked me how life is and i told her that it sucks and she's like yea it does but i mentioned about how at times i want to cry but can't that i can't bawl like i used to but instead at the end of the day when i'm laying in bed my eyes will just run but i can't cry. i call it silent crying its where i cry inside all day but i can't cry outwards but at times i just want to cut myself to release my pain i feel inside to make myself cry and when i told her that i don't actually do it but i want to she said i need to tell my counselor if i haven't and i told her i haven't i don't really think about it when i see him. My meds i'm taking makes me tired as hell and the first day i took it during the day i took a nap and so i decided that i would take it at nite and yet i'm still tired during the day and take a nap and then i'm up until 3 or 4 in the morning and then i sleep all day. Its another thing i need to talk to the dr about sleepy during the day, hungry all the time like i haven't eaten anything at all, it may cause diabetes which my grandpa on moms side has diabetes so its not something i want to get it will be life altering. i'm applying for disability i have an appointment on the 21st i need to call my lawyer tomorrow and let her know about another dr to add to the list and meds and what he said i have. Its kinda weird i haven't been online today until now i have farming to do and see if i have any surveys and see if i can cash in for anything yet. I feel kinda bad cause i haven't really talked to any of my friends like i used to since i moved in with mom and dad. i haven't heard from larry for a few weeks i should probably txt him tomorrow. I haven't talked to kim since i saw her in wal mart she said that the block misses me or at least her and her dad. I still need to check out some colleges and aske them questions mom said i could go to her and ask her what questions i should ask them and then check out the sites and talk to them. since i don't know what i want to do i was told i should go for my general associates degree which is pretty much touching all the basics and a little bit of everything and then decide what i want to do. I know that my degree will have to be something with out science biology chemistry advanced math cause i know i will fail those classes and i know that when it comes to design i got a pretty good grade and i got a good grade in acting even though i didn't put 110 percent in to that class mostly because i didn't turn in some work. i like acting but i don't like being the center of attention and being in front of crowds. i do good not to have a major anxiety attack going in to wal mart. well i think i've out of something to write so going to go do the rest of my online stuff i thought i would post here first since i was MIA.
Posted by Rusty at 10:24 PM