Saturday, September 24, 2011
Well school started up again on Wednesday and really stressed out and dreading the homework. Facebook is making more changes which is really pissing me off and adding extra anxiety cause I know i don't do well with change at all. DADT for those of you who don't know Don't Ask Don't Tell which is a rule in the military that restricts the LGBT community to stay closeted while in the service and if they find out you can lose your job. It died on September 20th, 20ll and its been all over the facebook news and everywhere it can be. This nation is going in the right track but I also find that with the economy in the shape that it is in we are still hurting and its only going to get worse. As far as the journey to quit smoking is going today I had a major slip I smoked more than 3 cigs smoked close to my usual 6. I still need to see my doctor to fully quit but at least I can control at times how many cigs I smoke the max that I smoke a day is 3. I met a guy on a site and have been talking to him for the last several days and will be talking to him on skype hopefully tonight. Not really much going on here except the above I'm really dreading school because math for one is my major problem but later today I'll be working more on my school. Its getting tougher but I know I can do it even if i have to repeat the phrase over and over again I can and will do it and I will get a good grade.
Posted by Rusty at 2:39 AM
Friday, September 16, 2011
Well my day is still Thursday but its 1am and is now early Friday morning. My overall day ok. Today is quit day and I smoked my last three cigarettes today by 4pm. I don't have any patches and the gum doesn't do shit for me. I slept on the couch last night and didn't get to do what I wanted to last night cause I had to give blood for lab tests. I then came home for about an hour and then me and my dad went to lunch thanks to my grandma she gave me gift certificates to the restaurant that I've never been to and it was ok. It was really expensive and just our sandwiches and drinks the total was under 16 so we got two cookies and left the rest as a tip. I then came home and watched two movies with my mom and her friend. I popped up popcorn and somehow I managed to only burn mine. But I still ate it cause it wasn't totally burnt to the point it was on fire or had to be thrown out but it did have the taste of burnt popcorn. But oh well it was still good regardless. I totally lost my train of thought right now cause i'm listening to youtube vids from areyousurprised who is recording vlogs on his coming out process and I want to cry for him cause I know how it felt trying to come out when I was younger. Yea my family and I had problems in the beginning but I think we are finally over them after three years or so of what seemed like a fight. Even though I may be gay and they know that I am they are still in denial and probably always will until I get a man to call my own. Its sad to think how religion has society thinking that being gay is bad or a sin. I can't wait until the world changes its views. I'm headed off to work on the rest of my to do list and hopefully will blog tomorrow my mind is scattered and can't think.
Posted by Rusty at 1:13 AM
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Well its officially Wednesday but yet its still Tuesday night. Not much really going on that is really worth mentioning. The same ole same ole, I didn't get to bed until almost 6am this morning and woke up close to 1pm and tried to get my blood drawn but found out that I couldn't. The reason why I couldn't cause they didn't tell me that for the type of tests that are being done are done in the doctors office and not at the lab. So I have to go back on Thursday between 7:30am and 11am to get my blood drawn so fasting last night was for nothing. I went shopping this morning online at Amazon and got a dildo that is bigger than the one that I have and also got a pair of sleep pants and a shirt. I'm pretty sure they will fit cause I got a bigger size shirt than what I normally wear just to make sure it fits as far as the pants I'm sure they will fit I wear 2XL and they should have draw strings. I checked about my sisters book that is the last in her series that she wants and its will cost about 13 dollars for it and will be released in Oct. I'm waiting on about 35 dollars for Amazon to come in and should get it by next month if not sometime next month. I'm pretty happy with doing surveys it helps me buy cloths and gifts. I was told I didn't have to get gifts for mom and dad cause they bought gifts I just have to put my name on it. I feel kind of bad about not giving them something but when it comes to money problems Christmas really shouldn't be about gifts. I may believe in the Pagan ways but I treasure the time with family during the Christian holidays. Those holidays shouldn't be about gifts even though they are nice but I strongly believe that its about being with family and being thankful for what you have and where you have came from through life. On another note I've noticed that I get views to my blog but one thing I wish they would incorporate is with blogger is that you can see who views your blog if they have an account. I know with Multiply account I had that is what they did but I didn't really like it much. By the way I should probably try and log in to that account and see what pictures I have on there that I don't have any more. If I do have viewers if you could be so kindly to say hi and give a brief bio about yourself and let me know that I actually do have some people reading my thoughts and life it would be greatly appreciated. I do have my comments to where they are reviewed before they are posted so if its personal that you want to tell me or don't want others to see but want to let me know you read that is fine to I won't post them after reading them. Well I'm surprised that I got this much posted I figured it would be short but its not. I'm going to do what I do and be back to blog hopefully tomorrow if not it may be late tomorrow night or tonight my days are so messed up with my sleeping patterns.
Posted by Rusty at 12:42 AM
Monday, September 12, 2011
Well today is Monday night the day after the anniversary of 9/11. Yesterday was pretty emotional reading and watching all the tributes. Nothing really new going on here I got my final grade for my second class and have a 91% so far my GPA is a 3.70 so I'm doing really well in class. i'm currently talking to a new guy I'm still trying to decide for me what the bounderias are for friends and acquaintances. I talked to my sister on the subject and it all depends on the connection you have with the person. I have a lot of internet friends but have my sister who I concider to be my friend and a friend that she has that I get along with and can talk to. I really don't know what else to talk about things are going pretty good here so I'm going to go and check out my profiles and just chill. I have to give blood in the morning so I have to fast so I can't drink anything or eat anything until afterwards.
Posted by Rusty at 11:23 PM
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Well today was pretty uneventful but yet really busy for me. I almost woke up late for counseling he called asking if I was still coming and I thought I missed it but the other client couldn't show so I could get in early. He isn't really on pay roll and hired so it was just two friends talking so therapy going on which I think as long as I'm talking to someone about what is going on in my life outside of my family and friends and getting feed back its counseling. I talked to him about the guy who is HIV+ and how badly I want to get with him and yet I don't and was advised that its a really bad idea. I know it is but I think what is appealing is the risk I'm taking with my life. I then came home and ate lunch or breakfast whatever you want to call it and then cleaned my room. I moved stuff from my old room as much as I could and moved it in to my room and then organized my room so now starting tonight i'll probably be in my room more so than downstairs now. I then took a walk with my sister and got some soda and just been relaxing since. I finally got online a few minutes ago and going to catch up on what i've missed and get some computer work done. My mom and sis bitched me out cause I'm up all night and sleeping until noon to 2 o clock in the afternoon and talking with my therapist it is normal and some people are made that way. I was also told I'm a typical male cause I have more porn pics than any other pics but i'm sure that if I added up my pics from facebook and whats on my computer I have 50/50. Well I'm glad I got to write another post tonight and two days in a row. It feels good to blog again.
Posted by Rusty at 10:16 PM
Friday, September 9, 2011
Well today is Friday which means the beginning of another weekend and half way through week one of not having school. Not much has gone on in the past two days. I cleaned today I got the bathroom cleaned did my laundry started the dishes took a shower and swept the upstairs. I also got my hooks down from my old room but haven't gotten them up in my new room. I took a nap today and been up around 6 or 7 and i'm doing pretty good with the smoking today i've only had 4 i think by now i would have had like 6 or so. I will probably sleep on the couch tonight since I don't feel like making my bed. I've been catching up on Chris Porter's blog and God DAMN he is so hot I think I've jizzed my pants reading his blog and seeing the vids and pics. Its kind of depressing that I don't have his body but I'm hoping I will someday. I guess I'll go and finish reading and take care of my list of computer things to do and hopefully post tomorrow.
Posted by Rusty at 10:38 PM
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Well today is Wednesday which means two thing; the beginning of a new school week and hump day which means its close to the weekend. Today I have something to really celebrate this last week was finals in school and I turned in my paper last night and got the grade early this morning and I'm extremely pleased with myself. My over all grade for College Comp 1 is 95.30% and my paper on cyber-crime was 97% I'm still waiting on my Civil lit grades. However the professor has limited access to the internet so it may be a week or so before I get my final grade. I know I've been MIA for a long while but with papers left and right its been kind of hard to do anything fun. Its been pretty much the same old same old. With this still being the beginning of a new month its been kind of tough. I've been having a lot of flash backs this month back in 2009 wasn't a very good month for me but I know I really shouldn't dwell on the past but its kind of hard to do. Of course drinking doesn't help the feeling of depression of course I didn't take my meds for two days in a row cause i knew this last weekend I was probably going to be drinking and I did. I went to the lake with a friend with his cousin and his cousins gf and her family and got pretty drunk late Saturday night. I don't really remember much of it but I think I might have made some advances on my friend who is straight but I really don't know and he never said anything the next day so I guess we are cool. I did have a major hangover the next day and was slightly drunk when I got up but I slept it off and on. Lets see i've been talking with this guy near Monroe City and even though he has a guy we may still be meeting sometime and going to have fun. Its really good to talk to him I like him alot. I've also got another hit off of craigs list about 3 days ago and I deleted the message but had a feeling I should email the guy and I'm glad I did I met him today and got to suck his cock. He says he's straight and really nervous but I could completely understand him cause when I had my first time I was extremely nervous and hesitant. I hope I did better than the one guy that sucked him off. But GOD DAMN he had a nice thick cock it was hard to even fit it in my mouth but his cum was really tasty. Since I have two weeks off of school I really don't know what I'll be doing I know I could use this time to upload some pics and update my profiles and get caught up on my surveys. I'm like really behind on my surveys big time its not cool. I bought myself a new toy its an anal pump I haven't tried it out yet but I'm looking forward to it. The best thing about doing surveys is I can use those points to buy stuff from Amazon. I still need to get my sister one last book but it won't come out until next month. I'm not really sure what to get my parents yet. Its pretty tough shopping for them. Whats also kind of sad is that there is this guy that I really like who lives in hannibal that he asked me out and yet the only time he talks to me is when he wants phone sex or for me to get on cam. I txted him yesterday and no response he even deleted me off of facebook as a friend so I don't know what is going on but I do know one thing I'm moving on he can use me for phone sex but it will only happen when i'm ready for it. In the mean time I'll look else where for a guy. I've also got a letter in the mail about my disability I have a hearing but I don't know when yet. I've also got an ingrown toe nail that hurts like hell. Then today about two hours ago or so my dick started to hurt when I piss I think its cause I was pushing to hard when I was shitting I'm afraid it might be a UTI or some disease but I should be clean cause I haven't done anything with a guy in awhile but I guess the next time I see the dr I need to have tests done unless I can go to CoMO and go to Rain. Oooo also I've started this class to quit smoking i'm doing it mainly cause mum and dad wants me to quit but I figured hey why not give it another stinking shot the worst that can happen is I'll still smoke right? Well any who this next week I can't smoke but I get patches and hopefully I can quit I know it would be nice cause then my health sure yea it might improve but at the same time the way I see it is we are all going to die sometime why not enjoy the pleasures while living life. Well I think that is everything that has been going on lately I'm hoping that since I have this time off I can post more but who know what will happen.
Posted by Rusty at 2:07 PM