Saturday, July 7, 2012

Life or Bad Luck?

So much on my mind so many emotions I feel. Its been awhile since I blogged and found the inspiration to light my way down my path called life. Some may say that what has happened has been a bunch of bad luck, poor judgement, and what not and they are right to a point. I believe everything happens for a reason to teach us, to help us grow, and to help prepare us for the worst at times. I've cried for the last couple of days and so want to cut to release the emotions but know that it won't do any good. This last week I found out that a company I do surveys with has put out a scam alert. There is a group of people or an individual scamming people to become a secret shopper for Western Union. The send you a check with instructions and you get about 200 dollars each time. Well I've always need the money and the name they are using is a reputable companies name. I did the first of 2 surveys and got the money and spent it. Second survey came and as I was doing it the first check bounced. I had to retrieve the money to cover the cost but now my bank account is in jeopardy. My credit will look bad or should I say worse. On top of this I have my disability hearing coming up, doctors appointments, school, financial stress, and a bunch of other stuff and then got this on my plate and Thursday I couldn't take it I erupted like a volcano crying, trembling and more crying. The volcano is over and now its time to clean up the pieces. and start life fresh in a way. I was inspired by a quote tonight by Will Garcia. "The first step to change is acceptance. Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do. Change is not something you do, it's something you allow." The quote spoke volume to me. There are changes in my life that I haven't been changing and I need to and I need to first accept myself which is the hardest things to do. For the next several days I'm going to look myself in the mirror and say I ACCEPT MYSELF, I ACCEPT MYSELF FOR WHO I AM FOR WHAT I HAVE, I ACCEPT MYSELF.  Then I'm going to think of all the things I want to change and say I accept myself envision my life that I want and say I will accept myself. I'll blog on how I'm doing and hopefully some positive things come from this. Other than that I've been working on my BOS and my recipe book. 

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Good Fight

TRANSITION is between two places
the place where we are and the place
where we are going. It can be a process
that can often be painful, difficult and
confusing and often slower than we would
like it. It happens to all of us and once we
have gone through it we are on to the next
part of our journey..
IT offers us great opportunities for significant
BE sure to see the BEAUTY within the change...

We all have stress, anxiety, depression, and what not but some have fought too long and hard and its not that they give up the fight. They are no longer able to fight like they used to. I am one of those who can no longer fight like I used to and can take all the help I can get. I had counseling today and have no complaints about life. Things could be better but taking one day at a time is all I can do and stay on my meds and being able to talk to someone every week helps and to find new ways to deal with what I am going through. My letter to my ex was well written and can't wait for him to be free so I can give it to him. Yes exes are exes for a reason but some things aren't best left alone. We all fight for what we love and soon the ball will be in his court and he can decide whether things should be left alone and move on or we fix things and have a future together.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012


Well this is going to be a long post and I'm sorry about it. There has been a lot on my mind and not enough time to blog but again I hope that changes. This week in counseling I was told or suggested to write a letter to my ex which I will need to quit calling him that hes now more of an acquaintances and so much has changed and all that I agreed to write a letter. I know there are probably others out there who can relate to me and I want to be some encouragement and support.  I had a meeting with my lawyer about disability and think that its going to be good news hopefully this next month. Here is my letter to my friend. Do to privacy I changed the name.

 Hey, Jay I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve heard from you it feels like a year and it’s only been 4 months. Since the last time we talked there has been so much going through my mind. I’ve looked back at the past and looked at my hopes for the future. School has been going pretty good and been keeping me busy. I ran into your mom at Wal Mart and heard that you have lost weight and been keeping yourself busy while away. I hope you’ve had time to think about the future and what you want in your life. I know I have its kind of something I do here lately. I was and have been somewhat upset that I haven’t heard from you since you’ve been in. However, I also know that you probably forgot my address so I’m not upset about it. I’ve been seeing my counselor almost on a weekly bases and you have come up several times. So I’ve decided and agreed that writing a letter would be the best thing along with writing a list of what I want in a guy and what I don’t and my boundaries I have set for myself. There is so much we need to talk about and I guess we can start through this letter. I want you to know that I am not the same person you met back in 2008. I hope and know that you aren’t the same guy I met back then either. Back in 2010, I decided that to show and start that I am not the same is to change my name to Rusty Lee Lampe. I know it’s not official until I do it legally which I don’t know when that will be or if that will ever happen. I want our friendship to last and I want it to be more but we can’t continue until we get to know each other again since there has been some changes on our parts. I want our future to be without the baggage from the past. I strongly believe that what is in the past is the past and its not our future and shouldn’t include our past unless nothing has changed. I know what I want and I am willing to go after what I want when I want it. I hope that this time away has given you time to think about what you want in your life. I want us to start fresh and I know it will be hard to forget how we each acted in the past but I believe it can be done. Before you left you have shown me that you want the truth to be known and you have been honest with me. Which has shown me a change in you. Even if we aren’t together  you will always be on my mind and in my heart because you Jay are my first. When asked about my view of you and me I see it as yin and yang, Romeo and Juliet. When asked why I love you I don’t have an answer except I just do and I feel like it is because we are meant to be. Our souls are star-crossed lovers and there is nothing to break that bond we have. I don’t know if you remember but after we broke up the first time a week or so went by and I had a vision of the letter J. I believed it meant that I am supposed to be with someone who has the name J. Here recently those visions and dreams have been persistent and constant nothing has changed. I have talked with several friends about my dream and they have all said the same thing that some with J is meant to be for me. Again, it could be you or someone else but a few things are clear Juliet starts with J and your name starts with J. We have a bond so strong it’s hard to ignore. All I can say is that I love you no matter what happens and I will always be there and I have always been there for you.

Love, Rusty

I want
A guy who is loving, caring, sweet, thoughtful, considerate, honest, faithful,
Someone who isn’t ashamed to be themself, team work
I don’t want
Secrets, lies, cheating,
I won’t let people use me for anything, Open relationship is ok as long as I know about it, secrets only when it’s a surprise, open communication, 

Monday, May 28, 2012

Memorial Day

Well today is Memorial Day and its been awfully hot for the month of May. Having 90 degree weather and heat index making it hotter than normal. I really don't know what the point of this post is except to those in the military who have served and are serving thank you from the deepest part of my heart Thank you so so much for everything you have sacrificed for my freedom, our country, and my rights. I would hate to think of where our country would be if it wasn't for you all serving. Thank YOU!!!

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Long Awaited

Wow I know its been a long time since my last post and so much has happened since then. So much has been on my mind and yet I've had a busy schedule. I've had a long wait to get a hearing date for disability and after my first try for applying I have finally got a date. I can't believe its been two years since I first filed...July will be a busy month I have my hearing and I have doctors appointments. This month I have doctors appointments and  a court date as well. Two years Kay Jewelers is after me for an earring I was making payments on. Since I have no job and pending disability they probably won't get anything from me. Bipolar and depression sucks but when you have the right combo of meds and surrounded by people who love you it makes things better at least a little. I haven't really felt inspired to write and tonight not really feeling it but felt the urge to write even if its a short post. I can't complain about life really. I am doing well in school got my first B since I started and with all the meds I'm on I am finally on a normal schedule but feel like I don't have enough time to do what I want. Of course I spend most of my time looking at the news and emails either that or I am doing chores. If anyone out there who is reading this pray that I get approved for disability cause without I can't afford my meds and if i can't take them then sadly I rather not go there. I've had a history of cutting and attempted suicide and yet I really have nothing to be depressed about. Yea my childhood sucked but doesn't everyone's child suck? I'm surrounded by people who love me and have friends online who care about me. But yet I have days and its most days at that where I don't want to get out of bed I'm constantly tired and my mood is like a big gray cloud hanging over me. There are some who don't understand the depression or the bi-polar either. I will have days where I'll have a manic high and go days without sleep and have mood swings and there are days I'll be low for so long that my mood swings are worse. I'm not really sure why I decided to write about this but I have and I think part of it is because deep down it helps to have it in words to see the truth. I have a pic and I'll post it at the end. I feel it goes well with this. Sure I still have my lows and its not really low low its where I'll feel sad cause I don't have anyone to be with. Being single does suck but the bright side of it is I don't have to worry about anyone but myself and I can pursue my dreams. In life there is light and dark side of things religion has light and dark, good and evil, god and satan. But it doesn't stay there I strongly believe in yin and yang and to me yin and yang is like optimism and pessimism. YOU have a choice to look at the light and bright side of things or dwell on the negative and dark side of things. One thing I've learned when you stay positive you have more positive things happen to you than negative. Sure we will have some snags in the path but at the same time you can't dwell on them. You can't have a negative thought at the same time as a positive. You can change that negative thought after you thought to positive but you can't have it at the same time. I feel better now that I've written this out more as a reminder for me I guess and hopefully it will touch someone else. I'll post the pics now.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Going Through Changes

 There as been a few pics and a song that has inspired this post. Its almost a week since the incident has happened but its interesting how when something happens and my emotions go all over the place that I can always get affirmations through quotes, pics, and my friends and family. This was in my email a few days after my ex messaged me. Over that weekend my ex J messaged me and wanted to meet. I had several chances to ignore him or tell him to get lost. Instead I encouraged him to talk to me and we set up a day to talk. Before we set up so we could see each other and talk cause he wanted it to happen that day at that minute and such and told I couldn't. I have proven to myself that I have grown and come along way since I have been dealing with him and seeing a counselor. I told him the truth. I told him that I couldn't see him that his name is tainted for the crimes he committed and I don't trust him and neither does my family. I have a list of people who have either heard or witnessed how he treated me not only as a friend but as a boyfriend. The whole list of people I have do NOT and will NOT trust him. I could argue that those people don't understand him, they don't really know him, and I could continue to make excuses. However, I have stopped making excuses, yea, I may still have hope and wish that he has changed but the reality is...the truth is...Some people do not have the power with in to change for the good. To make the changes they need to be happy for themselves. He told me he loved me and to be honest with those words there I would have fell and did as he wanted for him I didn't. I stood by the truth and told him that I may still love him but that love is and may never be the same love I felt for him when I first met him. I want it to be I really do. I know that he is one of the few "ONES" for me but that relationship is damaged and can never be fixed. It would take years and even possibly seeing a counselor to help fix it but it would never be the same. Trust and Respect as I was told are not only the foundations of any relationship but without trust you can't very well respect that person. You may respect them but the key is having trust and yet you may not have respect for them or trust them. When the absence of both trust and respect is gone which is the foundation of the relationship you want there is a faulty relationship built and it will never succeed. I could still cling on to that hope for him but it won't do me any good. We have a special connection that before he messaged me he showed up in my dreams and I haven't thought about him in a long time and he is just there. When I woke up my back started to hurt and I know medically he does have some health problems cause I feel them. I later found out that was also the morning that he came back in to town. J may have had different motives and knew that if we met that I would find the truth. Either way when I didn't hear from him and I woke up I messaged him and he said he was on his way to the hospital. I ignored everything I felt. When he told me the news I didn't question and ask what was wrong like I would normally have done but I simply answered in a way that left it to where he could have elaborated but also said that I didn't care. Since then I haven't heard back from him but I know he still thinks about me cause he has been taunting me and driving my dreams to nightmares. I will be on a search to try and break the connection or at least heavily block it from interfering with my life. 

I told my J that what he has been through is Karma showing full vengeance on him but I didn't have the heart to tell him that I don't feel sorry for him. After in a way standing me up so we could talk I don't feel sorry for him at all and he can kiss my sweet beautiful ass good bye. Often times we let our past relationships dictate our present selves. I know that because of everything my ex has put me through it triggered and made my depression worse but then also got me diagnosed with bi polar. I have grown and made changes in my life so much that I have been able to stop him from controlling me in my present. I am able to Be me and believe in myself. I am able to sit here and be able to say kind things to myself and put a smile on my face. I have made changes to who I am around and who I want to be. I have surrounded myself with friends who care and gotten back with my family who love me and want to protect me. I know that my guy is out there but its time to take care of myself and do what I want to do. That is something else that we often do. We put off what we want to please others and I have grown and changed in that area as well. I have let the inner BITCH to have a seat in upfront instead of stuffing him in the trunk to hide.  There is one more pic that I feel has inspired and also just reminds me of what should truly matter. I have also a few songs that I am posting from YouTube that has helped with this post.  

An update school has started which has been fun and stressing cause its overwhelming taking in all the information and worrying about grades. I am still trying to get used to a schedule that will allow me to get everything I want done. I will also be getting glasses which I'm uber excited :) The videos which I was going to post I am having problems with so I will post that on my random page here on blogger.

Friday, February 24, 2012


I have been inspired to write the last few days on this topic however, I have been collecting my own thoughts and trying to find time to write. While I have been collecting my thoughts I have found some pictures to help go along with this post and it maybe kind of lengthy. To help shorten the posts I will post the pics on the pics page.  There have been a few events which have triggered the inspiration on the topic of life but it isn't just life but life lessons. Two weeks ago I had counseling and I was given a key. Its not a key to open a door in the physical realm but a key to unlock a world with in my soul. The key was a quote "Once we accept things for what they are. "it is what it is" then change will occur".  I was given a week to think on what it meant and how change can occur once we accept things for what they are. Long story short and more explanation on this will be later. I came up with it but I danced around it and I feel I came up with the answer in essence. Then Wednesday a friend of mine's daughter was rushed to the hospital because she tried to attempt suicide. There has also been another friend who her son's friend committed suicide. There has been many young people recently attempting suicide and those who have succeeded. It breaks my heart to hear such news. There are people who deal with mental illness everyday and when someone hears this news they think they can force themselves to be better. They may say that if they just do this and do that then things will be better. What they don't realize is what they are saying is lies and in a way its their way of dealing with the news and denying that mental illness exists. I deal with bi polar depression everyday. I have been dealing with depression since I was 13. At such a young age I not only tried to attempt suicide by playing chicken when walking to the library but I took to food for comfort. My mom tried to get me help but the doc that I was seeing at the time I couldn't openly talk about what I was dealing with. In the summer of 2009 I started to cut myself and even writing poetry helped some but cutting for me was a thrill. I am not proud that I started to cut but it started the road to where I needed help. My current ex who I tried to date once again in the fall of that year didn't help to my feelings or my illness. Currently I am dealing better with my bi polar depression not only because I am on meds but I have lived the quote above without realizing it until now. Many of us have lived this quote without realizing it. In 2010 I started to see a counselor and saw a doc who was just treating me for depression at the time. The reason I started seeing a counselor was because I finally said "Enough is enough. Life sucks and I am tired of it". I accepted things for what they were and then change started to occur for me. In less than a year I made progress in all areas of my life because I was able to see the whole picture and not just one view of life. While seeing the whole view of  things in my life that sucked I was able to see options that were available. I am not the only one who deals with depression in my family either. My mom deals with depression and seasonal depression and my sister deals with it. They have also attempted suicide and have cut themselves as well. There are many out there who deal with the same issue and are afraid to get help. I love how one friend put it in her blog that depression is a living person. I have to agree with her depression is not just a thing to deal with its a living thing inside of us. It will consume us not just in our thoughts but it casts this dark gloom around us and affects everyone around us that we love and we come into contact with. Once we accept the fact that our life sucks and we accept it for what it is and not just depression but in every aspect of our lives then we can allow change to occur in our lives. I thought about posting not only the following quotes and 45 life lessons and explaining them and giving my opinions on them but I will let you interpret them for yourself. I for one have found this inspiring and life changing and hope that someone will find it helpful.  

"1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short – enjoy it.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. 

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye But don't worry; God never blinks.

16.. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful.  Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to be happy.  But it’s all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive but don’t forget.  

29. What other people think of you is none of your business. 

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

"Hey YOU, yes you. Stop being unhappy with yourself, you are perfect. Stop wishing you were someone else or that someone liked you as much as they like someone else. Stop trying to get attention from those who hurt you. Stop hating your body, your face, your personality, your quirks, Love them. without those things you wouldn't be you. Be confident with who you are. Smile, it'll draw people in. If anyone hates you because you're happy with yourself forget them.. Your happiness doesn't depend on others. Be happy because you love who you are, Love your flaws, Love your imperfections, because they make you and "You" are pretty amazing." 

''They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.'' (Andy Warhol)

Friday, February 17, 2012

Better Late Than Never...

 Well the saying goes "Its better late than never." often times the saying is true. I today I checked my messages on another social networking site that I joined for the LGBT community. I hardly get on it for the simple fact its not as good as fuckbookasstwat. Yea fuckbook has its issues but all my friends are there and what friends I make on this other profile are younger than I am and are in relationships and I really don't have much in common with them. Anywho I get updates when I get messages or friend requests and this message I received was for a group. The message was for VD which was 3 days ago but the message inspired me to write today. This young person wrote "i wish you all an intense massive amount of LOVE ..

people often forget that its not about celebrating the LOVE of YOU and a special someone ..

BUT ...

about celebrating that YOU have been blessed by having anyone on earth LOVE you ..

people often get lost in the fact that it's a cheesy lover's holiday ..

LOVE is what happens to YOU when one celebrates that YOU are alive ..

i hope YOU all have someone in your lives ... whether that be someone that is a friend, relative, partner ... that conveys how truly IMPORTANT you all are ..

and for that ... YOU are beauty-FULL". This spoke great amount of volume to me and to think that someone at such a young age can show you the true meaning of the holidays. The media, society, Hallmark, corporate business, and the like turn the holidays in to something that we dread because they portray it as something as it shouldn't be. They destroy the true meaning of holidays in every way they can so they can make money. I find that it should be a crime to do such a thing. There is also a controversy for those who haven't heard that Whitney Houston passed away before the Grammy's which I will touch on later. Valentines Day for many who are single is a very depressing day because they feel that like my young friend pointed out that its portrayed as a "lovers" day. When in fact it should be a day to truly reflect and count how many people that truly LOVE us. I could count a lot of people from my friends list on fuckbook who show me everyday that I am loved. My family whether they be blood related or the family that has been developed in the small group that our queen has created, the friends that I have made in the other groups that I have joined. Regardless of who they are they show me that I AM LOVED! They are there for support, advice, and just to put a smile on my face. Love isn't about who is in your life but its who shows you that they are happy to see you alive and are there for you to show you that you matter. That is the true meaning of Valentines Day! :)


I think that is also a problem of why there are so many kids and people who decide to end their life early because no one is there to show them the support and that they matter. I'm not just talking about the LGBT community suicide happens to most of the kids who are bullied and its not just cause they are gay either. Again the media most of the time will focus on a minority to make it bigger than what it is. Which brings me to Whitney Houston the full story about her death isn't completely out of what caused her death but she was found in a hotel room half in the bathtub and half out. Most celebs have an addiction to drugs and alcohol the media slanders them and brings them down because of it. There are many who are upset that she has passed away and there are some that say she did it to herself and deserved it for her addiction. I have seen many people on fuckbook who are upset because they are televising her funeral but the men and women who fight for our country are left out and no one truly mourns their death and the media leaves them out. I watched "The Talk" yesterday and they were talking about Whitney's death and the media says that she drowned in her tub cause she was found in the tub. Well the guy I can't remember where he is from I think it was "Entertainment" show or something like that she was found half inside and half out. They also talked about her addiction and her death whether the cause is because of her addiction or not is no different than any other celeb out there. The mentioned several celebs and some other people that would be more controversial than Whitney's death. All celebs have made some great contributions to our nation and before Whitney died she had some great plans and was excited about a project she was going to be doing so why would she end her life? I agree that if we are going to make such a big deal out of a celebs death then our men and women who freely give their lives to protect us and fight for our freedom need to have the same respect shown and make a big deal out of their death as we do for our troops. People are also having a fit that the state of NJ is wanting to fly the flags at half mast and I don't see a problem with it that it is the governors decision but again if its done for celebs then it should be done for our troops too. Everyone has their opinions and everyone has a right to their own feelings. I personally can see both sides and have to agree with them. I will remember her for the music she left and not how she lead her personal life. I wasn't expecting this to be a long post but looks like I really did get inspired :)
Forever will her music live on!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Final Project

Here is my final project that I have spent 10 weeks on at least the essay part and I did a powerpoint and waiting on the grade now. 
Activism Does Work
          Does activism work? For some that question is debatable. It is debatable because some do not have all the facts of what activism is and what it entails. Activism is simply standing up for ones values, beliefs, and taking action. Activism plays a big part in America today yet many do not know what it is or how it works. Everyone is included when it comes to activism and yet some do not even realize this. There are different forms of activism from simply voting when something you are either for or against is on the ballot, to going as far as making activism as ones career. However, when most hear the word activism they probably think of rude people pushing petitions in their faces or even think of groups of people picketing outside of offices of senators and other government officials. Even though protesting and petitions are forms of activism, there is a method to making activism work.  All forms of activism are effective in their own way just as the definition of activism changes with each individual. Therefore, when someone asks “what is activism?” the response may vary but the essence of the answer should still be the same. Activism is standing firm on ones values, beliefs and taking action. The action taken will differ with each person and what they can contribute towards their cause.
           The work involved in being an activist involves making petitions, raising money, and campaigning. Being an activist is not hard work and anyone can do it. To become an activist you would have to find first a cause that you feel very passionate about and learn everything you can about your cause, express yourself, and recruit others who also share your views. There is almost a cause for everything like women’s rights, gay rights, animal rights, and even politics. Another way you can help is by sharing your views and gain support. Explore sites like or to help give you ideas and tips on creating online petitions. You use petitions to gain support for a cause and let the government or business know that there are others who feel the same about the issue and change needs to happen. Campaigning for a cause is all about getting the word out there and letting people know whether they are for it or against it that there are others out there who feel the same way you do about your cause. Getting the word out there by using means of news, social media networks, creating clubs at school, or connecting with teachers, use your connections, whatever it might be (, n.d.).  Whatever the process might be in activism each individual can support their cause with what they can do.
               Most causes need to raise money to help support them because they are a non-profit organization. When searching for reliable organizations to follow and help support for your cause, it is helpful to research where the money goes. A good example of a cause that raises money and awareness is Susan G. Komen for the Cure the money raised and donated to that cause helps to fund research and probably the biggest part for any cause the money used to help educate others (Susan G. Komen, n.d.). In addition, the money raised and donated to a cause or organization spent on lobbyists, which is also a form of activism. Organizations first educate lobbyists on what their cause is all about and why they want them to support their cause. Once an organization has educated their selected lobbyist the lobbyists then takes up the cause and is the advocate to the government officials.  Lobbyists form relationships with legislator and other government officials and gain the trust in order to effectively advocate the issues the organization has brought to their attention. Those issues that people have brought to the lobbyist turn around and present the issues to the government in a way to convince them that the issues will affect people’s lives in those districts (Mapes, 2011). Mapes & Mapes, Inc. are experts in lobbying and government relations. They have resources that help people who want to know more about what lobbyists do or for those who would like to become a lobbyist.
             All causes can be important and need support and one cause is neither greater nor lesser than the other is because it depends on the person who is fighting for the cause. The attention a cause receives depends on how passionate and strongly you feel about the cause. In addition, terminology can be confusing when fighting for a cause and depends on which side you are supporting; one example of this is pro-choice/pro-abortion and pro-life/anti-abortion. Terminology can be confusing and it is best to research what the terms mean when supporting a cause. For example, human rights and civil rights can be confusing and there is some miss guided information or misconceptions about these two groups. When talking about human rights some may think of just one type of group and the same goes for civil rights. Many are not fully aware of what human and civil rights are. Everyone is included when it comes to fighting for human rights but the outcome is not always the way they imagine it to be.  Activists fighting for human rights seek out groups of people who are seeking the same rights as everyone else and who should be entitled to those same rights. When talking about same rights we mean that everyone is entitled to marriage, to having kids, to be able to work, and to live their lives without being discriminated, tortured, or killed because they may be different. Human rights have been defined as “basic moral guarantees that people in all countries and cultures allegedly have simply because they are people. Calling these guarantees “rights” suggests that they attach to particular individuals who can invoke them, that they are of high priority, and that compliance with them is mandatory rather than discretionary. Human rights are frequently held to be universal in the sense that all people have and should enjoy them, and to be independent in the sense that they exist and are available as standards of justification and criticism whether or not they are recognized and implemented by the legal system or officials of a country (Fagan, 2003) ” . This means that human rights are basic moral rights of certain individuals or groups who feel that their rights and sense of independence is being taken away from them on a daily bases. Those individuals have considered them a high priority and demand respect to be given. Everyone should be able to enjoy living a life they have dreamed of, to be married, and to have kids of his or her own. What one group has it should be universal for all to enjoy and give a sense of independence whether it is recognized and upheld by the federal government or state or not. 
                Civil Rights are the same thing as human rights but on a legal level. Civil rights are enforced and upheld by the government in which when those rights or privileges are withheld there is consequences to the individual who has taken away those rights. Examples of civil rights that are most common is freedom of speech, right to vote, freedom of the press, and assembly, and equality in public places. When civil rights are taken away it is called discrimination that occurs when those rights are denied or interfered with because of race, sex, age, religion, sexual orientation, and such (Cornell University, 2010). Civil rights is the next step from human rights. Once those who support human rights make others aware of the groups and their rights, those rights presented to legislators to taken up on a legal level and turned in to law to protect those from discrimination. One example I would like to stick with to better explain is gay rights. Awhile back New York legalized same sex marriage. Some would argue that it would not have been possible if it were not for the help of petitions, raising money, and campaigning for the legalization of same sex marriage. Therefore, same sex marriage started as human rights making others aware of the issue. While making others aware of the issue they raised money and sent out petitions. Lobbyists and others were probably educated with the money raised while campaigning. After the initial process, they continued it to push for it to become a civil rights matter to protect people in that group from discrimination.  
               The importance of activism and fighting for civil rights to succeed is to help protect everyone from discrimination and persecution. Discrimination is the act of favoring for or against an individual or group. It can affect several areas of a person’s life. It includes but is not limited to education, voting, employment, and housing. Some forms of discrimination include but is not limited to age, sexual orientation, race, and religion. Anti-discrimination laws have originated at two different levels, through Federal legislation or federal court decisions. Here are two examples of which federal level played a part in anti-discrimination laws. The federal legislation created the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the federal court that would be the U.S. Supreme Court decided in the case Brown v. Board of Education (Findlaw, n.d.). President Lyndon Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which protects people from discrimination, which includes voting rights, education, and housing.  It was the Civil Rights Act of 1964 that paved the way for Congress to pass the Voting Rights Act of 1965, the Americans With Disabilities Act of 1990, and a several other key laws. Before the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the Supreme Court decided in the case Brown v. Board of Education in 1954. The court ruled that public schools that racially segregated students were unconstitutional. In doing so, it sparked a wide civil rights movement that pushed toward equal rights and desegregation (Eggleston, 2009).  The other reason why it is important that activism and fighting for civil rights to succeed is persecution, persecution may not be happening out in the open or even in America but it does happen.
Persecution is different from discrimination and confusion between the two can happen. Persecution is the act that includes but is not limited to harassing, oppressing, or driving away someone for the same reasons as discrimination occurs against people. Some countries will murder, imprison, or drive away people because they believe differently or they have different color of skin. By the definition of persecution, bullying which is a form of harassment could be persecution. Because of persecution and discrimination activism and fighting for human and civil rights protects everyone involved from being wrongfully treated. The end results for fighting for human and civil rights and any good cause by activism allows everyone to be equally treated. Treated equally not only in the eyes of the law but allows society to accept everyone for who they are regardless of what they believe. If laws for civil rights are passed then everyone would be accepted and treated equally in society, many hope that it would bring peace to everyone.
I am sure that everyone would be happy to bring about peace for everyone and to end discrimination and persecution however, just like politics there are those who become activists and organizations in the name of a cause are created are not always the way that they seem. They may be for a good cause and something we support but their intentions are not clear or they take the cause to the extreme just like in politics. An example of this is the organization of PETA, which most people have probably heard of. PETA stands for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, going to their website their front view shows good intentions. Their mission is to focus on four areas in which they feel that animals suffer: factory farms, clothing trade, laboratories, and in entertainment industry. However, they also focus on other issues involving animals as well (PETA, n.d.).  The downfall to PETA is they take their mission to the extreme and in ways that is controversial. Activist cash (n.d) is a site that the Center for Consumer Freedom created and dedicated their work to inform taxpayers of where their money goes. They believe that taxpayers deservers to know where their money that is donated to non-profit organizations. They have gathered their information from the IRS and update their database every month.  According to Activist cash (n.d.) they have reported that in 2004 alone PETA received almost $29 million in donations. What donors are not aware of that during the past ten years PETA has spent more money on criminals and legal defense than it had on shelters, spay-neuter programs, and actually helping animals. The list of objectionable things that PETA has done to list in detail is far too numerous that the site has listed the “top ten” from over the last several years.  An example like PETA shows that research on a cause is helpful. You need to fully know what the cause is about, what they spend their money on, and if they are actually doing what they promise to do.  However, each person has their own views on an issue just as each person has different political views. Some people have political views that are extreme on either side of the spectrum and there are those who are in the middle.
It helps being educated in eight areas that we just covered. Those areas that we covered are; what activism is, the process that is involved in activism, and are the organizations using the money properly for their cause. Fully knowing the definitions of the terms human rights, civil rights, discrimination, and persecution may open your eyes of what others go through in life. Knowing why it is important for a cause to succeed is not only picturing how life will be different for those involved but also it should be to make the world a better place. It all ties in together. Everyone is involved when it comes to activism and fighting for causes. The difference now is taking this information and using it to benefit others and it will make you feel better about yourself. Activism is simply spreading the word and we are all able to do that. We are standing for our beliefs, our values, and are taking action. The next time you see someone with petitions do not blow them off take time to listen and ask questions about the cause. Asking questions may seem like a silly idea but there is never any harm in it and it gives us more knowledge on a subject. If you are not sure about signing then after questioning them, try to see if you could come back later. Before you go back see if you could find more info on the cause online and see if there is a national group behind them or if it is local group you want to make sure the cause is reliable. Once you have done that then only you can decide if it is a worthy cause and if you are going to take action. We can finally end that if it was not for people who care about making the world a brighter and better place for everyone change would probably not happen and the world would not evolve as it has today. The answer to whether or not if activism really does work the answer is yes; yes, it does work every little amount of action helps. Whether that action is signing petitions, spreading the word about a cause, donating money, or being more involved and making it a career in some way. It is like pennies that some people collect in a jar that is untouched it keeps growing and growing. Eventually change will happen and causes will have victories.  

Activist Cash. (n.d.). About Us. Retrieved from 
Activist Cash. (n.d.) People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. Retrieved from
Cornell University Law School. (August 19, 2010). Civil Rights: An Overview. Retrieved from
Do Something. (n.d.). Action Tips: Become an Activist. Retrieved from
Eggleston, R. (July 2, 2009). Today in Civil Rights History: Civil Rights Act of 1964 Becomes Law. Retrieved from
Fagan, A. (January 10, 2003). Human Rights. Retrieved from
Findlaw. (n.d.). What is Discrimination?. Retrieved from
Mapes, J. (February 22, 2011). What is a Lobbyist and How They Facilitate Communication. Retrieved from
PETA. (n.d.). About PETA. Retrieved from
Susan G. Komen. (n.d.). Annual Reports. Retrieved from

Blah Hump Day

Well I am finally getting to blog again today. I found two pics that has inspired today's blog. I have posted them on the random pics page. First pic is about Facebook I have had my browser open since I have been up. I skipped my daily ritual of getting on my wall and seeing what I missed since I went to bed, checking my horoscope and my fortune cookie just so I could finish up my final project for College Comp 2. Now that I am free to check my facebook my news feeds aren't showing up properly, items are missing, and all in all Facebook is now and until I feel they have improved is FUCKBOOKASSTWAT. Now that I have gotten that out of my system on to lighter things. Today is HUMP DAY!!!!! at least what is left of it. Today starts week 10 of my classes which means I don't really have school so I get two weeks off for a break before having to start again. So the next pic that inspired this post that was shared from a wonderful friend of mine. I get to sit back for two weeks not have a care in the world and if I had the beer I would be having beer. However, I do have access to some liquor Captain Morgan Long Island Iced Tea, vodka (nothing to mix it with except tea), and some strawberry wine. OOOOO speaking about strawberry wine  I think I might check out YouTube or see if I have the song in my archives "Strawberry Wine". So that is pretty much going on in my world I have bunch of emails and organizations I need to go through and I have a dr. appointment tomorrow which means I won't be up too late. But before I leave I will find another pic that fits my mood. 
Since I have my doctors appointment tomorrow I think this fits well  :) 

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentines Day

Well today is the wonderful Hallmark day called Valentines Day. Things have been going pretty well here lately for me. I am almost done with this term tomorrow starts the last week but I am still working on my finals project. This post will be short I just wanted to update and say that not only are things going well with me and been busy with school. Today I have joined Pinterest and I have made some changes to my blog. I have added Random Pics which I am hoping that will help me not only visit my blog daily but the pics will help inspire me to write. Also the random pics may just be something I find interesting and be my blog post. Also the questions page is for anyone who asks questions and I will post them there. Questions would be posted anonymously unless stated as such. So far a big achievement I haven't bitten my nails for about a week and a half but I am still smoking. I don't think i will be quitting anytime soon cause well its my pleasure in life. I might post my essay that I have worked on for the past two weeks in school. 

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Reflection Time

     Well, today is officially January 1, 2012  a totally new year. Not really sure how I feel about it some say that this is the year the world ends but something tells me that its not. I was asked about my blog by my counselor and I told him I haven't blogged in a long while. Pretty much I don't have time with everything going on with school, family, facebook, and emails. Alot has happened since my last entry and I didn't see when it was but I do know that things have happened and changed since then. It would probably take forever to try and recall everything if I was to go back and check and recall everything since then so I won't do that but update and reflect things from this past year. The things that stand out in my mind and accomplishments I've made and what not.

     The Holidays are officially over thank god, Thanksgiving was very stressful since we had it at my parents church which meant people from the church were there along with family. It shouldn't have been that bad but everyone from church who was there couldn't stop asking when I was coming back and I kept saying I don't know because well to be honest I don't. My plan is to never go back I don't feel welcomed I don't feel like I belong there and everyone I do see there are hypocrites. I know I can be a hypocrite at times but I admit it and I'm not afraid to be who I am and I'm not changing for anyone. If they weren't asking when I was coming back then they would talk about god in everything they talked about which ok granted its a church and yea they may believe but really does god have to be involved in everything? It was also stressful because of the noise and not getting much sleep before hand ok well I didn't get any sleep before I was up over 24 hours while I was there. But between the noise and the people I just couldn't handle it and it caused anxiety but thankfully I passed out after I ate.

     Christmas was pretty good it was just my family and my grandparents. Well that was on Christmas day, Christmas Eve we went out to my grandmas on my mom's side of the family and had dinner there well more like lunch but it was pretty good. Gifts from my parents were earrings in different colors, a pen with my name and them telling me that they love me, my sister gave me Jordan's Essentials products and now my room smells good and I don't have to light a candle cause the candle is strong enough without lighting it.

      School is going pretty good I should be done at the end of this year. My grades are good and currently on break for another day or so. I am happy with not only my grades but I am happy with my choice in career I strongly want to be an activist and it depends on how I feel when I reach that point but may start running for offices. I have a good grasp on both sides of politics I can see clearly and I listen to people.

                                                       Reflection of 2011

Well the year started off kind of bumpy with not receiving unemployment, not having a job, living with my parents again, not having car, living with a total scumbagasstwatsonofabitchfilthywhore, and being single. As the year went on I decided I was going to school as a paralegal but because of an assignment it required me to think why I wanted to become a paralegal and where to go with it. So I decided that I could stay in law or move on and do better and greater things for the world and I really want to be an activist I have been signing petitions for awhile and can't remember when or how I got started but I am thankful that I did. Living back with my parents isn't that bad as I thought I don't have a curfew, I don't have much rules, or chores. I really wish I had my own place but things are doing well I'm in a stable environment and not afraid each day of where I'll get my next meal and where i'll be laying my head down at night. I have made deans list twice in school and working on making my way to presidents list. We have several new members to our family we have a puppy onyx that is mom's puppy and there for awhile my sister J was taking care of her and then it was me during the summer and now its a family effort. We have adopted my sisters friend in to our family and her 5 month old son. The nasty bitch before who claimed to be my sisters friend she got kicked out after she convinced her bf at the time who was a friend of my sisters and an acquaintance of mine who also dated one of my ex friends or at least knew her to stay the night and watch movies without getting the ok with my parents. I had some slight help in the convincing part but it was their fault for listening to me and since she had more strikes against her my parents kicked her out so now she is living with her sister and mom and my sister still gets to see her and make fun of her cause she is friends with her sister. Sis T and son x moved in December a week before Christmas which was early cause we were expecting them after Christmas. I am thrilled they are here and she is now dating a sheriff deputy from her home town and I'm really happy for her even though i feel slightly jealous cause I want a relationship but I know the time isn't right. Me and my ex are officially over after I found out that he has charges for child molestation and went to jail for it at the beginning of the year and to think that he wanted me to move in with him. It really disgusted me that I spent weeks on thinking it through and trying to decide and talked about visiting and with counseling it helped me see a healthier way of doing things. When he brought it up I knew it was a  bad idea and my gut said so as well and now I see why. He had a secret profile and was already in a relationship with another guy and he had charges and its not something I want to get caught up in. I have blocked him on facebook and if he is to ever call me not that he should have my number cause i'm sure he deleted it or something but I'll tell him to get lost I'm over him and our friendship is gone. Karma has shown herself and how truly a bitch she can be however it shouldn't have been at the mercy of a child and I was hoping of a more deadly approach but glad she has shown herself. I had counseling this last week and had pretty much an evaluation since my last time it was done and I have improved in a short amount of time three areas of my life and that were issues. I have moved on from my ex, I am in a stable environment as to where I have a stable place to eat and sleep, also improved my relationship with my family. I was asked if my parents are accepting me or tolerating me being gay and I said it was more tolerating and I talked to mom about this and she said that she is working on accepting me that its hard but she shows that she accepts me by giving me earrings for my presents. Dad on the other hand is tolerating it and that its a taboo subject that doesn't get talked about or gets brought up. This year in counseling we will be setting goals of improvement that I would like to make and I'll be able to just process things. I am also wanting to do some improvement soul wise and grow as a better person. I have discovered my strengths that I am a great listener, writer, friend, cook, and cleaner. Well I can't think of anything else to say I am glad that I was able to take the time and blog and reflect on this past year and hope everyone has a Happy New Year and hopefully I can blog a little bit more this year.