Sunday, January 1, 2012

Reflection Time

     Well, today is officially January 1, 2012  a totally new year. Not really sure how I feel about it some say that this is the year the world ends but something tells me that its not. I was asked about my blog by my counselor and I told him I haven't blogged in a long while. Pretty much I don't have time with everything going on with school, family, facebook, and emails. Alot has happened since my last entry and I didn't see when it was but I do know that things have happened and changed since then. It would probably take forever to try and recall everything if I was to go back and check and recall everything since then so I won't do that but update and reflect things from this past year. The things that stand out in my mind and accomplishments I've made and what not.

     The Holidays are officially over thank god, Thanksgiving was very stressful since we had it at my parents church which meant people from the church were there along with family. It shouldn't have been that bad but everyone from church who was there couldn't stop asking when I was coming back and I kept saying I don't know because well to be honest I don't. My plan is to never go back I don't feel welcomed I don't feel like I belong there and everyone I do see there are hypocrites. I know I can be a hypocrite at times but I admit it and I'm not afraid to be who I am and I'm not changing for anyone. If they weren't asking when I was coming back then they would talk about god in everything they talked about which ok granted its a church and yea they may believe but really does god have to be involved in everything? It was also stressful because of the noise and not getting much sleep before hand ok well I didn't get any sleep before I was up over 24 hours while I was there. But between the noise and the people I just couldn't handle it and it caused anxiety but thankfully I passed out after I ate.

     Christmas was pretty good it was just my family and my grandparents. Well that was on Christmas day, Christmas Eve we went out to my grandmas on my mom's side of the family and had dinner there well more like lunch but it was pretty good. Gifts from my parents were earrings in different colors, a pen with my name and them telling me that they love me, my sister gave me Jordan's Essentials products and now my room smells good and I don't have to light a candle cause the candle is strong enough without lighting it.

      School is going pretty good I should be done at the end of this year. My grades are good and currently on break for another day or so. I am happy with not only my grades but I am happy with my choice in career I strongly want to be an activist and it depends on how I feel when I reach that point but may start running for offices. I have a good grasp on both sides of politics I can see clearly and I listen to people.

                                                       Reflection of 2011

Well the year started off kind of bumpy with not receiving unemployment, not having a job, living with my parents again, not having car, living with a total scumbagasstwatsonofabitchfilthywhore, and being single. As the year went on I decided I was going to school as a paralegal but because of an assignment it required me to think why I wanted to become a paralegal and where to go with it. So I decided that I could stay in law or move on and do better and greater things for the world and I really want to be an activist I have been signing petitions for awhile and can't remember when or how I got started but I am thankful that I did. Living back with my parents isn't that bad as I thought I don't have a curfew, I don't have much rules, or chores. I really wish I had my own place but things are doing well I'm in a stable environment and not afraid each day of where I'll get my next meal and where i'll be laying my head down at night. I have made deans list twice in school and working on making my way to presidents list. We have several new members to our family we have a puppy onyx that is mom's puppy and there for awhile my sister J was taking care of her and then it was me during the summer and now its a family effort. We have adopted my sisters friend in to our family and her 5 month old son. The nasty bitch before who claimed to be my sisters friend she got kicked out after she convinced her bf at the time who was a friend of my sisters and an acquaintance of mine who also dated one of my ex friends or at least knew her to stay the night and watch movies without getting the ok with my parents. I had some slight help in the convincing part but it was their fault for listening to me and since she had more strikes against her my parents kicked her out so now she is living with her sister and mom and my sister still gets to see her and make fun of her cause she is friends with her sister. Sis T and son x moved in December a week before Christmas which was early cause we were expecting them after Christmas. I am thrilled they are here and she is now dating a sheriff deputy from her home town and I'm really happy for her even though i feel slightly jealous cause I want a relationship but I know the time isn't right. Me and my ex are officially over after I found out that he has charges for child molestation and went to jail for it at the beginning of the year and to think that he wanted me to move in with him. It really disgusted me that I spent weeks on thinking it through and trying to decide and talked about visiting and with counseling it helped me see a healthier way of doing things. When he brought it up I knew it was a  bad idea and my gut said so as well and now I see why. He had a secret profile and was already in a relationship with another guy and he had charges and its not something I want to get caught up in. I have blocked him on facebook and if he is to ever call me not that he should have my number cause i'm sure he deleted it or something but I'll tell him to get lost I'm over him and our friendship is gone. Karma has shown herself and how truly a bitch she can be however it shouldn't have been at the mercy of a child and I was hoping of a more deadly approach but glad she has shown herself. I had counseling this last week and had pretty much an evaluation since my last time it was done and I have improved in a short amount of time three areas of my life and that were issues. I have moved on from my ex, I am in a stable environment as to where I have a stable place to eat and sleep, also improved my relationship with my family. I was asked if my parents are accepting me or tolerating me being gay and I said it was more tolerating and I talked to mom about this and she said that she is working on accepting me that its hard but she shows that she accepts me by giving me earrings for my presents. Dad on the other hand is tolerating it and that its a taboo subject that doesn't get talked about or gets brought up. This year in counseling we will be setting goals of improvement that I would like to make and I'll be able to just process things. I am also wanting to do some improvement soul wise and grow as a better person. I have discovered my strengths that I am a great listener, writer, friend, cook, and cleaner. Well I can't think of anything else to say I am glad that I was able to take the time and blog and reflect on this past year and hope everyone has a Happy New Year and hopefully I can blog a little bit more this year.