Saturday, May 5, 2012
Wow I know its been a long time since my last post and so much has happened since then. So much has been on my mind and yet I've had a busy schedule. I've had a long wait to get a hearing date for disability and after my first try for applying I have finally got a date. I can't believe its been two years since I first filed...July will be a busy month I have my hearing and I have doctors appointments. This month I have doctors appointments and a court date as well. Two years Kay Jewelers is after me for an earring I was making payments on. Since I have no job and pending disability they probably won't get anything from me. Bipolar and depression sucks but when you have the right combo of meds and surrounded by people who love you it makes things better at least a little. I haven't really felt inspired to write and tonight not really feeling it but felt the urge to write even if its a short post. I can't complain about life really. I am doing well in school got my first B since I started and with all the meds I'm on I am finally on a normal schedule but feel like I don't have enough time to do what I want. Of course I spend most of my time looking at the news and emails either that or I am doing chores. If anyone out there who is reading this pray that I get approved for disability cause without I can't afford my meds and if i can't take them then sadly I rather not go there. I've had a history of cutting and attempted suicide and yet I really have nothing to be depressed about. Yea my childhood sucked but doesn't everyone's child suck? I'm surrounded by people who love me and have friends online who care about me. But yet I have days and its most days at that where I don't want to get out of bed I'm constantly tired and my mood is like a big gray cloud hanging over me. There are some who don't understand the depression or the bi-polar either. I will have days where I'll have a manic high and go days without sleep and have mood swings and there are days I'll be low for so long that my mood swings are worse. I'm not really sure why I decided to write about this but I have and I think part of it is because deep down it helps to have it in words to see the truth. I have a pic and I'll post it at the end. I feel it goes well with this. Sure I still have my lows and its not really low low its where I'll feel sad cause I don't have anyone to be with. Being single does suck but the bright side of it is I don't have to worry about anyone but myself and I can pursue my dreams. In life there is light and dark side of things religion has light and dark, good and evil, god and satan. But it doesn't stay there I strongly believe in yin and yang and to me yin and yang is like optimism and pessimism. YOU have a choice to look at the light and bright side of things or dwell on the negative and dark side of things. One thing I've learned when you stay positive you have more positive things happen to you than negative. Sure we will have some snags in the path but at the same time you can't dwell on them. You can't have a negative thought at the same time as a positive. You can change that negative thought after you thought to positive but you can't have it at the same time. I feel better now that I've written this out more as a reminder for me I guess and hopefully it will touch someone else. I'll post the pics now.