Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Changes

Well this is going to be a long post and I'm sorry about it. There has been a lot on my mind and not enough time to blog but again I hope that changes. This week in counseling I was told or suggested to write a letter to my ex which I will need to quit calling him that hes now more of an acquaintances and so much has changed and all that I agreed to write a letter. I know there are probably others out there who can relate to me and I want to be some encouragement and support.  I had a meeting with my lawyer about disability and think that its going to be good news hopefully this next month. Here is my letter to my friend. Do to privacy I changed the name.

 Hey, Jay I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve heard from you it feels like a year and it’s only been 4 months. Since the last time we talked there has been so much going through my mind. I’ve looked back at the past and looked at my hopes for the future. School has been going pretty good and been keeping me busy. I ran into your mom at Wal Mart and heard that you have lost weight and been keeping yourself busy while away. I hope you’ve had time to think about the future and what you want in your life. I know I have its kind of something I do here lately. I was and have been somewhat upset that I haven’t heard from you since you’ve been in. However, I also know that you probably forgot my address so I’m not upset about it. I’ve been seeing my counselor almost on a weekly bases and you have come up several times. So I’ve decided and agreed that writing a letter would be the best thing along with writing a list of what I want in a guy and what I don’t and my boundaries I have set for myself. There is so much we need to talk about and I guess we can start through this letter. I want you to know that I am not the same person you met back in 2008. I hope and know that you aren’t the same guy I met back then either. Back in 2010, I decided that to show and start that I am not the same is to change my name to Rusty Lee Lampe. I know it’s not official until I do it legally which I don’t know when that will be or if that will ever happen. I want our friendship to last and I want it to be more but we can’t continue until we get to know each other again since there has been some changes on our parts. I want our future to be without the baggage from the past. I strongly believe that what is in the past is the past and its not our future and shouldn’t include our past unless nothing has changed. I know what I want and I am willing to go after what I want when I want it. I hope that this time away has given you time to think about what you want in your life. I want us to start fresh and I know it will be hard to forget how we each acted in the past but I believe it can be done. Before you left you have shown me that you want the truth to be known and you have been honest with me. Which has shown me a change in you. Even if we aren’t together  you will always be on my mind and in my heart because you Jay are my first. When asked about my view of you and me I see it as yin and yang, Romeo and Juliet. When asked why I love you I don’t have an answer except I just do and I feel like it is because we are meant to be. Our souls are star-crossed lovers and there is nothing to break that bond we have. I don’t know if you remember but after we broke up the first time a week or so went by and I had a vision of the letter J. I believed it meant that I am supposed to be with someone who has the name J. Here recently those visions and dreams have been persistent and constant nothing has changed. I have talked with several friends about my dream and they have all said the same thing that some with J is meant to be for me. Again, it could be you or someone else but a few things are clear Juliet starts with J and your name starts with J. We have a bond so strong it’s hard to ignore. All I can say is that I love you no matter what happens and I will always be there and I have always been there for you.

Love, Rusty



I want
A guy who is loving, caring, sweet, thoughtful, considerate, honest, faithful,
Someone who isn’t ashamed to be themself, team work
I don’t want
Secrets, lies, cheating,
Boundaries
I won’t let people use me for anything, Open relationship is ok as long as I know about it, secrets only when it’s a surprise, open communication, 

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