Saturday, July 7, 2012

Life or Bad Luck?

So much on my mind so many emotions I feel. Its been awhile since I blogged and found the inspiration to light my way down my path called life. Some may say that what has happened has been a bunch of bad luck, poor judgement, and what not and they are right to a point. I believe everything happens for a reason to teach us, to help us grow, and to help prepare us for the worst at times. I've cried for the last couple of days and so want to cut to release the emotions but know that it won't do any good. This last week I found out that a company I do surveys with has put out a scam alert. There is a group of people or an individual scamming people to become a secret shopper for Western Union. The send you a check with instructions and you get about 200 dollars each time. Well I've always need the money and the name they are using is a reputable companies name. I did the first of 2 surveys and got the money and spent it. Second survey came and as I was doing it the first check bounced. I had to retrieve the money to cover the cost but now my bank account is in jeopardy. My credit will look bad or should I say worse. On top of this I have my disability hearing coming up, doctors appointments, school, financial stress, and a bunch of other stuff and then got this on my plate and Thursday I couldn't take it I erupted like a volcano crying, trembling and more crying. The volcano is over and now its time to clean up the pieces. and start life fresh in a way. I was inspired by a quote tonight by Will Garcia. "The first step to change is acceptance. Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do. Change is not something you do, it's something you allow." The quote spoke volume to me. There are changes in my life that I haven't been changing and I need to and I need to first accept myself which is the hardest things to do. For the next several days I'm going to look myself in the mirror and say I ACCEPT MYSELF, I ACCEPT MYSELF FOR WHO I AM FOR WHAT I HAVE, I ACCEPT MYSELF.  Then I'm going to think of all the things I want to change and say I accept myself envision my life that I want and say I will accept myself. I'll blog on how I'm doing and hopefully some positive things come from this. Other than that I've been working on my BOS and my recipe book.